Regrets That Were Once Made

Chapter 4 ~ In Denial

23rd of March 1795

~Frederick's pov~

I looked at Mr Seabury's eyes and they were cluttered with confusion. I awkwardly gazed around the room and saw the equally awkward stares of everyone around us. Mr Seabury sighed and his glared deepened.

"So is that what Y/N's been telling you?" he questioned. I looked at him and glanced sideways. "Not exactly. I mean kind of but I only realised believed her when I found this." I pulled out a small brown book from my pocket and slid it towards him. "The marked pages is where I found evidence," I mumbled. Samuel nodded and he took a look at the book scanning through each page. He finished scanning it and looked at me sympathetically. "So you think I'm your father?" he questioned. I nodded profusely and Samuel folded his arms.

"I'm not." He spoke.

I looked at him with confusion, "But you're the only person left. Mr Hamilton was still in America, Mr Lee only met my mother after I was born and the same with Mr Clarke. So it has to be you." I explained in frustration. Samuel sighed again and he walked up to me. "Stand up," he commanded. I followed him and he led me to the mirror.

I looked into the mirror. My blue eyes were peering back at me and my wavy h/c hair was settled gently upon my head. Mr Seabury, on the other hand, has straight, dirty blonde hair which was greying slightly and brown eyes. His complexion wasn't as pale as mine and his nose was small and short compared to mine.

"So then Frederick do you think you look like me?" He questioned. I looked at him awkwardly and looked back at the mirror. "I'm sure there's an explanation, Mr Seabury." I nervously spoke. Samuel sighed and looked at his wife. "Sit back down Frederick. If proof is what you need I'll provide." He explained. I nodded and sat back down awaiting Samuel's excuse. Samuel brushed his hair away from his face and he looked at me.

"I can't be your father because I wasn't there," he explained. I looked at him confused, "What do you mean?" I questioned. Samuel slotted his fingers together and looked at his wife again. "See, you were born in May 1777. Which means you were conceived in August 1776. And if you ask around the district they'll tell you I was here in America during that time. Therefore your mother and I couldn't have done anything." He explained. I looked at him in shock and then looked at his wife whose expression was one of pity.

But I couldn't except that if Samuel wasn't my father, who could be? I looked at Samuel again, "Then who's my father?" I questioned. Samuel looked at me and smiled. "Well, who do you think? Prince Frederick." he smiled. My pupils dilated and I sat up. "He isn't my father!" I yelled in frustration. Samuel looked at me with empathy. "Frederick you know it doesn't matter who your father is. As long as your good, people won't care who your father is." He smiled. I furrowed my brow and held in the tears that were puddling in my eyes. "What do you mean Mr Seabury!? That's how everyone sees me, King George's son. Not Frederick but the King's son!" I yelled. Samuel sighed slightly and I felt my fists tighten. I quickly snatched the brown book of the table and stormed out.

I walked outside and looked around at the setting sun. I held in the pain settling in my heart and I glared down at the small brown book. My heart became heavy and I ran over to the bridge staring out at the water.

There was no point in being here any more. I tried to find my real father but found the same people who told me what everyone else thought. But I didn't believe them, George wasn't my father, he may have been Matilda and Charles's father but certainly not mine. I sighed and watched the sun melt into the water, I just wanted the truth to what happened all those years ago. I can only remember a bit from my childhood but I remember this place vaguely. This place felt more like home than that stupid palace back in Britain.

My fingers settled along the stone railing that covered the bridge. I rested my head against it and opened the book to a page.

5th of May 1776

Dear diary,

It had only been a day in this palace and already I think that I may have accidentally developed feelings for one of the courtiers. Of course, there's no time for me to fool around but this Samuel Seabury guy is quite sweet.

Unlike 'His Majesty' Samuel has a humble like demeanour. Which is rare to find in men these days. I know I said to my mother and cousin that I'd never get married but if I had to, Samuel would be my first choice.

Anyway enough writing. I think the King needs me again. (hooray!) I hope I'll be able to go home soon, and who knows maybe Samuel and I could have a family together.

Sincerely, Y/N

I looked down at the paper and saw droplets of water scattered across the ink. I moved my hand towards my face and wiped the tears away. If what Samuel said was true then that makes me a mistake.

My mother wanted to get married and have children with Samuel and yet she had me. Now I knew that I was no child of Samuel. I felt useless and unwanted. Because I was the very person who ruined my mother's life. I held in my tears and breathed heavily, resting my head against the stone. I fiddled with the book in my hands and held it closer to my chest.

I would trade my crown and life being a royal for a simple and happy life. With my mother siblings and my real father. Whoever he was. I knew what my mother wanted, she wanted a child with Samuel.

And that was the only thing that I wasn't.