Regrets That Were Once Made

Chapter 46 ~ To Bid Farewell Once More

5th of August 1795

~William's pov~

It had been a month since I found the ledger and discovered who King was. And yet I was still too nervous to confront my father.

Every day since then, I stayed silent. I helped the organisation as much as I did before, trying to seem like I knew all that they wanted me to know. Even then, I felt untrusted, every word spoken to me was taken to my brain as something to be cautious about, rather than to know.

I couldn't trust their words, if they couldn't trust me with knowing who the leader of this whole organisation was, then I wouldn't trust them either.

The only thing that I was so eager to know was, why. Why was King doing this? It confused me so much that every day to and from school my mind would be full of questions. And today was not any different, walking back from school wondering.

If you were living in luxury with a loving partner and a happy family, why would you want to be advocating to destroy all of that? I don't know Y/N that well but I don't think she sees the implications of monarchy falling apart.

Her children and even herself would be affected. Sure maybe she didn't like her husband, but she surely loved her children, so why would she risk her life and theirs. It puzzled me, and honestly as each day goes past I feel myself doubting the organisation and their leader's intentions. I mean I still disagreed with monarchy, but making these people who were breed to be leaders, be overthrown and killed for fulfilling their goal, isn't that just as bad.

I mean I know that what the leaders of Europe are doing bad things to their people, but killing them, in turn, has no excuse. And that's why I do want to talk to my father. After a month of awkwardly holding back, I wanted to tell him that I knew who King was and that I needed to know what was the true intentions and plans of Mors ad coronam.

Standing at the door of my house I breathed in slowly. Something about finally doing something after a month of contemplating was chilling. I had so much time to think about my words and yet I was even reluctant to move my hand towards the handle. I breathed in again and twisted the knob to open the door. I pushed the door gently and pried off my shoes as I gently walked towards my father's office.

"William, how was school?" My head flinched as my mother smiled slightly. "G-good." I stuttered and she giggled. She looked back at the bowl she was mixing and I quickly shuffled towards my father's study.

Step by step on the creaky wood I mustered the courage to knock on my father's door
"Father can we talk." I knocked on the door gently. "Sure come in." My father replied and I opened the door.

"So what do you need to talk about?" He smiled and turned on his chair. I shuffled towards another chair and sat down. I took another anxious breath and sighed, "I know that King is Queen Y/N." I looked at my father and he chuckled awkwardly.

"So you figured it out, not too surprised, but still a bit fazed." He smiled. I looked at him and he leaned his chin on his palm. I looked around awkward and sighed again, "Why didn't you tell me straight away?" I questioned. My father leaned in closer and smiled once again, "I thought it would be better for you to figure it out yourself. What did you think? I didn't trust you?" He chuckled. I smiled awkwardly and he looked at me.

"Well, I'm guessing you have another question?" He glared at me slightly. I nodded and fiddled my palms. "I know that this whole organisation is good and all, but what the hell is happening? I mean everything is just so confusing." I ranted. My father chuckled again and he sighed.

"Well son it's all part of of a plan." he smiled. I moved my head in confusion and he leaned in closer.

"A plan that Queen Y/N has had for longer than you think."

~Frederick's pov~

The small crowd of people gathered in the cathedral. The large building deemed silent by the sorrow of upon them. My father didn't want this to be a large funeral.

Maybe because he didn't want the hindrance of a crowd, or maybe he didn't want to be rendered helpless in front of his people. Either way, only about twenty people were present. All with faces were of pain as we awaited the coffin. Faces around me were full of tears and sorrow.

It wasn't a lie to say that my mother was very beloved. Everyone missed her even the people who were forced to care about her, had grown to love her. Except for me. It was frankly the opposite, I had loved my mother so much before and now she was an afterthought. She so willing threw her life away just to avoid all the people who were crying over her in truth.

It disgusted me, how could someone be so selfish? I loved her, my father still loves her and so does everyone else. She had no excuse to leave me behind except the insanity that brought her to take own her life.

I looked forward in my respects to see four men lifting to coffin towards the front. I looked to my right and felt my father grasp onto my hand. Nevermore have I seen him so broken, an obnoxiously happy man, spited by grief. I grasped his hand tightly and his eyes wandered to mine.

He looked as if he was holding in everything, and maybe that was true. For the past few days since my mother's death, I could find him curled up in his room just crying. He didn't speak or eat or even open his eyes. He just hugged his pillow and mumbled as if she was still next to him.

It pains me to see my father like this. Seeing him go insane as the days slowly went by. So much that we had to keep him away from my mother's body. He even spoke of seeing her breath, of course, it was all his delusion. He wanted his love to be alive, but the hard truth was that she was never coming back.

I sighed slightly and the men at the front placed the coffin down with such ease. I felt my father move forward slightly and I held in him back. Two people walked up to the front and bowed. I looked away slightly as the sound of the coffin being opened vibrated around the church. I felt my father's grip loosen and the gasps from the onlookers fill in my ears. I looked back forward and saw something so undeniably puzzling.

An empty coffin.