Insanity Descent

"I'm kinda yandere lol lol"

The majority of people who claim to be yanderes are not. They might obsess a lot {or what is a lot to them} but obsession alone doesn't make a yandere. They must also be willing to do extreme things to get to their love interest.

Of course, in fanfics this is usually exaggerated and all yanderes basically just massacre everyone. Some really extreme yanderes might actually do that, but the majority of them probably won't go as far as murder. Being a 'dere' is more of a spectrum and you can be a mild or extreme of any 'dere' or any combination of them.

Sure, being obsessed could then be seen as a very mild form of being a yandere, and I guess I'll accept that and move on. It just bothers me when people use that alone to think that they're some dangerous thing when they're not. Obsession is only one of two main components, and many people easily get obsessed. Not most people are willing to get violent/manipulative.

I would say I'm a yandere, and for good reason. Those around me who know my past agree with me that I'm a yandere, though it's also well known I'm a tsundere which ironically kinda mellows out my yandere side because I end up getting too flustered to get really extreme, usually. However, I have done some really fucked up things in the past and I've also done questionable things.

I know I've shared a less detailed story about this on another rant/vent, but I'm going to share a little more detail about it now.

In the past, I was obsessed with a girl to the point I basically followed her everywhere. She was my only friend, best friend actually, and I couldn't go a day without her. I remember on the weekends I'd sometimes cry or feel like crying just because the only way I could contact her was online. I remember so many times I'd basically spam her on the weekends wanting desparately to talk to her, but that was just the start.

One day she gave me a notebook because I often complained I wanted one to write down my thoughts. In just a week that notebook was full to the brim of delusional thoughts about her, basically calling her a goddess or an angel. The way I wrote it, you'd think it was for a fanfic because it was just... really off-putting. It was obvious that there was a full blown obsession going on just from reading the notebook and whenever I look back and read what I wrote, it actually makes me feel paranoid and creeped out. Words don't usually move me, especially my own. My own words basically never dent me, which is why I always try to find stronger ones. But those rants scared me.

I also found a note conversation we passed in class and apparently I outright told her that I wanted to basically tie her up and torture her. I asked her if she thought I was being creepy and she said she wasn't, but looking back and reading I could tell she was very concerned and disturbed by what I was saying. I'm not so freaked out by the whole torture thing because I'm aware that I'm into BDSM and I really don't care about that, but I do find it kinda weird I shared my thoughts because I don't usually do that in the amount of detail that I did. Also, I remember there was a time I told her I had fantasies about raping her.

That's all the obsession part, none of that covers any of the extreme actions I took.

Eventually, I started using the fact I was still self-harming as a tool and once her mom started trying to ban me from seeing her {for obvious reasons} I sent her pictures of my cuts and told her I'd do more if I wasn't allowed to talk to her daughter. I pretty much harrassed her as well; I don't remember everything I said but I know it probably wasn't anything good.

Eventually she told my dad what was going on and he was obviously very upset with me, and together they helped impose a ban on me talking to her. I still constantly tried to ignore that ban and tried to talk to her several times, even harrassing her and her mom and sending more threats but at that point they knew they could stand up to me so I didn't really get anywhere.

I still basically stalked her until the school year ended, and over the summer I was basically "obsession detoxing" as I call it. The next school year I had pretty much zero classes with her and through the loss of contact and my own efforts to not stay obsessed because I didn't want to basically live as a slave to my obsession, I stopped being obsessed with her. Whenever I see her in passing I still get that weird "crush is about to start" kinda feeling, but when she's out of my sight it goes away and I don't think twice about it. The same thing happens to pretty much any 'yandere crush' I get.

I've had other obsessions and done other stuff to varying degrees of extreme and with varying levels of success. One thing I will say from being a yandere myself is that while in books they're always a step ahead and no matter what you do it's basically useless, in real life you can easily beat a yandere if you know what you're doing.

If they get violent you have every right to call the police, but if they're not violent and just sending threats or orders, don't give them any power. Just ignore them, even if they might say they'll kill themselves or something. A real yandere wouldn't do it because they can't stand the thought of not seeing their obsession the next day. If they're hurting themselves, you can call a mental health service and possibly get them thrown in a mental facility, if not at least the mental evaluation will work as a warning. There is always something you can do if a yandere starts getting out of control because they are not like in the books where you're powerless and the whole world seems to be secretly coming up with a plan to have the yandere get you because there isn't just one person manipulating the world.

Sure, I'm probably not the most extreme yandere and the fact my personality isn't really 'made' to be a yandere combined with the fact I'm also a tsundere helps discourage me, but there's no denying I'm at least a mild yandere. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a full fledged yandere because I know I'm not. Plus, most of my 'tricks' rely on all parties effected to actually be scared and I'm not really that intimidating. I do have a few tricks that can work regardless of who's scared or whatever, but I also don't like using them because I'm aware they negatively impact my obsession. Real yanderes take every step that might hurt their obsession into considerable contemplation. If they hurt their obsession they could become vulnerable or they could become stronger, spiteful, or even detached. Basically, it's a twisted game of cat and mouse in a yandere's mind.

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