Insanity Descent

"You have it so good"

She thought the only reason I wanted to kill myself was because I had to sleep on the couch for a few days.

I could sleep on it my whole life, I spent my entire childhood sleeping on couches. I don't care.

I care that I suddenly lost my privacy. Suddenly I didn't have curtains and a room to hide in like I'm so used to doing. I had to be in the living room 24/7 with zero privacy. I couldn't have the reassurance my dad wasn't looking over my shoulder unless I totally enveloped myself in my blanket head to toe, literally.

I couldn't go anywhere if the TV or speakers were too loud, or if my dad was in the living room and I just didn't feel like being around him.

Combine that with the fact I was already miserable and already contemplating suicide and it's just the last straw. It's not the cause, it's a cause.

She yelled at me and told me that I "had it so good." She had been my friend for years and we had always been so close, and I had high regards and respect for her.

After she said that, all of that immediately went away in the blink of an eye.

She knows my past. She knows me well enough to know that that's not the only reason I'd kill myself and yet she believes it anyways. If it was someone I hardly knew I wouldn't make such a big deal over it but she fucking KNOWS me! She knows me almost as good as I know myself, and yet she goes and betrays what she knows about me.

So clearly, she didn't care enough to think or notice. Doesn't matter which, if you don't care to take the time to do either for your friend you probably don't really care about them. I'm not talking to her. I don't want to talk to her.

She was my roleplay partner too. We constructed an entire world together over the years from a single dumb roleplay we did when we first met and now all that's left of it are our respective OC's. Henry, Charles, Simon, John... that's all I have left of that world I used to escape to.

Someone's been in my Discord DMs wanting to roleplay with me. I don't have the heart to tell them I'm not ready to do it again after that huge blow-up.

I feel so betrayed by her... but I guess it doesn't matter anymore since I won't be talking to her anymore.

Goodbye, Mimi. I won't bother to use a totally fake name. Just your nickname.

I hope that comment was worth destroying an entire friendship that isn't gonna come back.

~~~
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