Insanity Descent

hEy YoUnGeR mE

hEY YOUNGER ME

Stalking someone cuz you wanna smash and also find them incredibly fascinating and interesting is different from stalking someone cuz you wanna kissy wissy.

Imagine being a yandere that barely gets romantically attracted to anyone and stalks people either for sexual reasons or literally just because you wanna know more about them.

...

I sound like a really contradictory Gacha OC.

"iS yAnDeRe!!1!1!1!"
"iS oN tHe ArOmAnTiC sPeCtRuM!!!11!1!1!!1!"
"iS biSeXuAL!!1!1!1!1!!1!!!1!1!"
"hAs DaTeD tOo MaNy PeOpLe tO cOuNt!!1!!1!!!!!11!"

Ah yes, that definitely makes perfect sense.

...

Lemme explain-

For like a year behind the scenes I've been questioning my romantic orientation cuz I know I'm bisexual {wow, of course I'm 100% on who I wanna fuck}, but I was always questioning my romantic orientation because I assumed I was also biromantic but I've actually only once felt a true romantic attraction. Sometimes a person would make me feel a romantic connection for maybe like 5 seconds at a time and on super rare occasions, but otherwise my crushes have always been based on either just finding them extremely interesting and obsessing over them platonically or sexual feelings... or both.

The people I was yandere for in the past? Honestly I wasn't too interested in the idea of doing something like kissing them, but I was interested in the idea of fucking them. I was also interested in the idea of talking to them for several hours every single day and knowing everything about them.

I've felt really strong platonic feelings towards several people before to the point it was outright obsession, but it was never romantic. I was mostly just interested in their character and all the little tiny details about them, like what kind of flowers they liked, what colors they'd think would look good on a wall versus colors they'd think would look better on the exterior of a house- who knows what I'd wanna know?! If you'd seen into my mind how much I knew about some of the people I obsessed over, you might've thought they were OCs because I just obsessed over every single last detail of them.

When as a kid you're told you'd only want to have sex with someone you love, of course you'd think that meant you were romantically attracted SO MUCH to the point you felt something for them in a sexual way as well. I figured those strong platonic obsessions I felt were actually romantic feelings, and I figured after that, if I was romantically interested enough, it'd also mean I'd want to have sex with them. I didn't know that romantic feelings did not immediately create sexual feelings, and if you have sexual feelings it did not mean you had romantic feelings. However, because I thought that was the case, I figured if I "felt" romantically attracted that meant I was also sexually attracted, and if I felt sexually attracted that also meant I was romantically attracted.

Well... until about a year ago that's what I thought, anyways. That's when I started to realize that even if I felt really strong sexual desire for someone, I never once felt anything romantically towards them, except for ONE person. I don't even have that attraction towards that person anymore, too. I also started to realize that the romantic attraction I thought I felt was just a really strong platonic love {or obsession}.

That's when I started to question my romantic orientation. In my mind, whenever I would imagine myself dating someone, 'romantic' scenes never really... came up? The most romantic it got was cuddling whoever I was imagining being with, and even then it was mostly cuddling before falling asleep or something like that. Imagining things like fancy candlelit dinner dates, kissing, etc. just never really interested me. They'd occasionally cross my mind, but I was never interested in 'playing the scenario out.'