Lost between realities

Chapter 18

The rest of the day was just like any normal day. Barrel left after a few hours and said he would be back that evening. I practised on the grand piano for long periods. I could sing and play the first half of the songbook without a single wrong note. The songs seemed distantly familiar, like I had heard them a long time ago. I wondered how I found this place. Barrel told me that he found me in the hallways only a breath away from death. He'd taken me up to the tower and cared for me until I was in good health. He said I was lucky, I could've died like all the others who had had the misfortune to did themselves in this castle.

I wondered if and when we would do something with the trio in the dungeons. They'd been captured for quite a while now and I was beginning to have bloodthirsty cravings. I could have the final say about them and I wanted to make it worthwhile. Who would miss them anyway? We could always just force them to forget. It'd be like they'd never existed.

What to do..what to do? I wanted to impress Barrel with my idea so it would have to be interesting..original...Evil. His idea of a fight to the death against himself and that golden person was good but not that interesting, plus he could die! I couldn't allow that chance.

I paced the room trying desperately to come up with something. The other two weren't so much of a threat to us..it was just that one...I think he was French. He was a rather interesting man I must say, his skin was like solid gold but alive. If he cut himself, bronze coloured, metallic liquid seeped out from his wounds. He was the main cause of Barrel's troubles. The Swede was his enemy but was not that much of an issue. In fact, if we got Stephano out of the way we could easily-

wait, who's Stephano? 

How did I know that name? Was that the golden man's name? I confused myself further and in the end chose to ignore it. I went back to my bed and rested until Barrel arrived as I had an awful headache. He promised that we would do something that evening. He didn't say what but I never found out anyway. I must've been asleep when he arrived and he must've thought it best not to disturb me. I was a little upset that he wasn't there when I awoke but I had slept longer than I expected as it was the next day.

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Stephano 

I wasn't sure how I should take the news. They may forget that I was in the cell opposite but I could ward each and every little word spoken in the hallway. Barrel truly disgusted me, Charlotte didn't know what she was doing. She was under his spell, quite literally. I could forgive her for this no matter what happened.

I wasn't in so much pain anymore, they were treating me like I was no longer there. Which is a lot better then beating me. Had they just forgotten my existence completely or were they planning something worse?

I hardly ever did anything. I would either be lying as still as a corpse on my back, sleeping with my eyes open, or I would be sat near the entrance, watching in the hope that she would come. It was stupid and pathetic though, even if she did return, even if she did remember, she'd go back to him anyway. I was beginning to hate that fact. I was becoming envious of them, the way they seemed to be made for each other and the way he looked at her, the way she looked at him, the way they kissed each other and the way that I was and would always be alone! Who would love me anyway? No one. No one cared about me or loved me or...or anything. I mean, sure, I suppose I had Pewdie but I wasn't talking about a friend. I longed for someone to love and protect as I have said previously, although, since then the feeling had grown into a full blown pining desire. I didn't cry or wail about it, I just..held it in. Bottled it up. Contained all my emotions for I feared that if anyone knew how weak I felt, they would use it all against me and it would be so much easier to really get to me that way. I couldn't let that happen, I had to survive, to stay alive until it was my rightful time to die. Before I died I wanted to see her beautiful face for one final time. Rather irritating and cliche to have to say that but it was true.

I was grateful for the small flame in the room with me. It was all I had to stop me from going insane although I feared that it was happening none the less. I had hazy vision at times and strange nightmares, that I forgot the second I woke up with only the utterly disturbed feeling left behind. I stayed in the light as much as I could but it was going to take over me eventually, I could sense it.

I was overcome with grief and guilt too, still thinking about that night. I hadn't really spoken to Cry that much, nor did I know much about him. I didn't even know what he looked like. His face was covered by a white mask, the mouth a thin straight line and the eyes small circles. The holes for him to look through we're too small for anyone to see his own eyes and he never took it off. The most I had seen him do was slide it up his face to flash a grin before diving right into danger. His hair was fairly long and a darker shade then Pewdie's, deep brown . It fell in a thick mess across his face. Pewds and Cry had a...special bond. Heh, I don't think either of them thought about it that way or saw themselves as anything more than friends but they certainly were quite close. Now he was gone he must be..pretty broken. It was all my fault. If I hadn't focused on only saving Pewdie then maybe, just maybe, we could've all got out alive. That way none of this might've happened although, we probably wouldn't have met Charlotte. Something's in life come with a price I suppose.

My most trusted companion (besides Pewdie of course) lay by my side constantly. Attached to my belt it gleamed in its sheath, as gold as myself, my sword would never betray me. I ran my fingers over its hilt, gripping it tightly in my hand. It protected me and all those of whom it was my duty to protect. I pulled it out from the sheath, revealing the flashing blade. As if in a trance, I slowly ran my thumb across the side of the blade. I pressed it down to the edge hard, suddenly snapping out of my dream state as the searing, white-hot pain shot up my arm. I threw down the sword and scrambled back in shock. 

"Wh-what..." I spluttered, "Wh-what was that?!" I clutched my injured hand and examined the wound in the light of the fire.

A bronze liquid seeped through the thin slit that the blade had left. "Merde.." I muttered, dabbing at it with the sleeve of my toga.

Surprisingly, it bled a lot more than expected. Why did I do that?! I don't even know anymore..I wasn't myself. I wasn't sure if or when I'd every be myself again. It wasn't the first time I'd been caught but it'd never been as bad as this. I knew there was no hope now. 'Just close your eyes and drift away, it'll all be over soon.' The advice I had given to myself. I tore a small piece from my toga and wrapped it around the cut so I would catch the blood.

"Dammit...dammit, Dammit DAMMIT!" I punched the wall with my fist, instantly regretting it but most of the frustration and angerg went away.

"Stephano?" Pewdie's voice called out from over the hall. I crawled over to see him staring at me with quite a shocked look.

"I'm sorry Pewds I'm sorry...I should've looked after you better. I should've saved the others. We shouldn't be in this mess. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I screamed whilst a few tears trickled down my cheeks.

"It's alright Stephano, It isn't your fault!"

"But it is Pewdie! It is! Just think back to when you arrived and what could've happened if I'd not screwed up! Think about it! Cry and Piggeh would still be alive! I shouldn't have lied and said it was safe when I wasn't sure. I'm sorry!"

"Stephano it was an accident-"

"But it could've been prevented!"

"None of us were expecting it. It wasn't your fault!"

"Yes it was! It was all my fault..."

"Listen to me!" He yelled, with nervous fury, "Their deaths were not your fault! Do you understand?! We will get out of here, all of us! You, me, Mr Chair and Charlotte! We can't afford to be overcome with emotions! No matter how hard it is! Just stop this, you are Stephano. My guide, my most trusted companion, my closest Bro. You are strong and fearless and kick Barrel ass to save me! Stop being weak and emotional and stand strong! Come on man, we need you!" He locked his gaze on my eyes, awaiting a response. I tried to form words but his own had swept them away like an autumnal breeze. I felt slightly more like Stephano the statue than Stephano the coward.

I nodded, "Alright Pewds." I nodded, a smile forming. He shot a lopsided grin back.

"Thanks bro."

I stuck my hand through the gap in the bars, making my hand into a fist. Even through he couldn't reach me, Pewdie did the same.

"And now. We just need a plan." I decided, sitting more upright