Well, We're Not Alone Now - Book One - Alex Turner

A Song Is Never Just Sad

-A Song Is Never Just Sad-

"I've been trying to figure out exactly what it is I need

Call up to listen to the voice of reason

And got the answering machine"

-9th February 2012-

Let me tell you something about myself. I'm someone who enjoys doing a lot of things over and over again. I very rarely watch new films, preferring to watch the same ones again and again, memorising each line and expression. The books on my shelves are worn from me continually re-reading them. If you look at what music I listen to, you will see that it has changed very little over the years. Many a time it would be by pure accident that I would discover a new artist, band, a new sound. It was just my way, I liked my routines. I found a comfort in repeating the small things. I think it probably came from having such a chaotic childhood as I travelled so much, leaving home early, it gave me a steady feeling. One that I craved at times of emotional turmoil. Like now. I was lying on my bed, flicking through Instagram, wishing I wasn't, but I couldn't stop myself.

I hadn't been on Instagram for a long time, too caught up in things that were a lot more important than keeping my followers updated on being a circus freak, as you would probably agree. However, now that I had a while to lie about and do nothing I thought I would have a look at what was going on. I wish I hadn't. As soon as I had gone and turned my notifications back on, my phone had gone crazy, forcing me to turn the notifications back off again. I had gained an insane amount of followers, there were comments on every one of my pictures, all my photos had hundreds of likes. Well I suppose thats what happens when you get tagged in a photo by Breana Mcdow, and start to date a rockstar. I had been rather excited as I scrolled down my photos, reading the comments and replying to a few of my favourite followers. I was careful not to say too much though, and kept the answers to a minimum. However, the amount of negative stuff started to get to me. The pictures that Brea had put up were lovely, they made a funny feeling of belonging well up in me. However, maybe it hadn't been a great idea for Brea to put up those photos. I was starting to think I may have made a mistake, by allowing her to. The things people were saying was just plain horrible. They were beating down my shaky confidence that Alex had built up for me only a few days ago. I chided myself for thinking this. I couldn't rely on him to say everything's alright, he wasn't always going to be there to make me feel better.

I threw aside my phone in frustration and stared at the ceiling from my position on my newly made bed, scowling. Seriously, some stuff though, just really wasn't anybody elses business, why couldn't people just understand that? My body convulsed as it coughed and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. Not only was I tired from my most recent sleepless nights, I had somehow procured a cough. I was not impressed. It was probably the late girly nights that I had, had with Jade, and also, I just didn't sleep sometimes. My body would be screaming for sleep but my mind would have way too much worrying to do about stuff that really wasn't my problem. It's just how I worked, and it sucked big time. Especially as Al was back tonight, and I really didn't want to be coughing all over him. I would probably just end up falling asleep on him, knowing me. I was able to sleep at the times when I least wanted to. Such is my life.

I rolled onto my side, pillowing my head on my arm and stared at the wall. There was a rip in the wallpaper and my fingers itched to pick at it. I scratched some dry skin on my forehead, it always got worse when I was tired, and curled into more of a ball, bringing my knees to my chin. The sun was setting outside, casting its last rays across my room. I could feel just the slightest warmth from it on a strip across my back. My hair fell across my arm, and I pulled at the strands of red that Jade had insisted on putting in. It looked pretty cool. I didn't really care. I was wearing a purple sports bra, some trackie bottoms, and my scarf. The past few days I had been giving my new piercing as much airing as possible. The swelling had pretty much all gone down now and it was looking great. I loved it.