Survivor

26. I Was Right Next To You

The next time I opened my eyes, my whole body felt heavy. That annoying beeping of the hospital equipment was ringing in my ear, but I knew better than to rip it out this time. 

I turned my head to see Aedyn curled up in a chair next to me, asleep. He looked exhausted, with a small bandage on his hand from the night before. The necklace that he just gave me was wrapped around his fingers, the ring dangling in the air. 

I swallowed the guilt that came up. Not only did I probably scare him to death, I hurt him in the processes. Tears pricked my eyes at the thought of him in pain, especially since it was my fault. 

He stirred, and his blue eyes slowly opened as I looked down and away from him. I heard his close rustle as he got up and walked toward me. 

"Here." He held out a cup of water with a straw in it. "Doc said you were probably going to be thirsty when you woke up." I went to take it from him, but he simply held it to my lips. 

You could cut the tension with a knife. I had no idea where to start, but I didn't want to be the first person to point out the obvious. He sat back down in the chair, and we fell into a very uncomfortable silence. 

After a few minutes, I had no choice but to bite the bullet. 

"I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I really didn't mean for that to happ-." 

"Don't." He cut me off. "Don't sit here and apologize for my fucking hand. Do you have any idea how much explaining you have to do? How upset I am right now? I thought things were going great. We had a perfect day. And then I wake up, to find you trying to kill yourself in my fucking bathtub!" I flinched as his voice got louder, but the flash of regret in his eyes was gone quickly. 

"I wasn't trying to kill myself." I quietly defended myself, playing with the bandages on my wrists. 

"Well, what do you call it then." His eyes were harsh and accusing, and I couldn't look at him. 

"Um. I was just trying to forget about a nightmare." My voice started to get shaky. "Sometimes, when I get nightmares, just a little bit of pain makes me feel better, but I guess it got out of hand this time." Aedyn got up and started to pace. 

"Bobbi, this isn't okay. You could have died. I could have lost you. Why didn't you tell me about this? Why did you feel like this is something you had to deal with on your own?" 

He got more and more agitated, and finally, he turned and punched a hole right through the hospital wall. I yelped before stifling the cry, as he turned and rested his hands on the end of the bed, leaning down to look at me. 

"What was your dream about?" I started to cry. 

"Aedyn, please-"

"No, Bobbi. What was so bad that you couldn't come to me? I was right next to you. Fuck! I was right next to you! I could have helped you! Explain to me why instead of leaning over and waking me up, you decided to slit your wrists in the bathroom!" 

I was desperately sobbing, but that didn't seem to deter him from yelling at me. 

"Please, Alpha, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please. It won't happen again. I'm so sorry." He walked toward me and sat next to me on the bed. 

I felt his hand on the back of my neck, his thumb making slow circles behind my ear. 

"I'm sorry for yelling baby. You know you never have to call me that. But you need to tell me what's going on." He pulled me closer to him, kissing the top of my head gently.

"I-I was back at Luke's." I hiccuped, and Aedyn brought me closer to him. "But this time it was different because it was in the future, not the past." I coughed, and Aedyn gave me some water before I continued. 

"Umm, I asked him where you were, and he just started laughing. I was dragged to some random room, and you were in there." I started crying again, and Aedyn looked at me concerned. "You were in there, but you were in bed with another girl." I choked it out, but Aedyn didn't interrupt me. 

"You were kissing her, and then you told me I was trash, and that you gave me back to Luke and didn't want me anymore, and then Luke said that he could do whatever he wanted to me, and no one was ever going to care."

I sobbed into Aedyn's shirt, and he just rubbed my back and kept giving me kisses anymore. 

"I thought you didn't want me anymore." I sniffed my nose violently, the tears making it hard to breathe. " I woke up, and I couldn't tell what was real or not, and I just needed to figure it out, and I just couldn't handle it." I looked up at him, though my wet eyelashes. "I'm really sorry. I had no idea how far I went. Please don't be mad at me." I sniffed again, and Aedyn pushed my hair out of my eyes. 

"Baby, you have to come to me when this happens. I'm upset because I would love to help you, but you never seem to want me to. I would be more than happy to remind you every single moment of every day that I want you, and that you are important to me. But you have to let me know that that is what you need. Okay?" He pushed my chin up so I met his eyes, and I nodded. 

"I know you're really upset right now, but I wanna talk about what happens now, okay? We can't just ignore this and pretend that it didn't happen. Love, this is a really big deal." I started crying again, and Aidan laid down and pulled me on top of him, wrapping his arms around me. 

"Are you gonna leave me?" I whispered, my voice breaking. "Please, I'm really sorry." I started coughing as my tears fell harder, unable to breathe. 

"Bobbi, no. Babe, I'll never leave you. I'm right here. I swear to God. I'm yours forever, until the day we die, and then after that too. You never have to worry about that." He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer to him so that my face was pressed into his neck. 

"But there are going to be some changes, okay?" His hand moved comfortingly up and down my back. "From now on, you're going to have therapy once a week after school. You can pick the therapist, and when, and where, but I want you to be able to talk to somebody who can help you find alternatives to hurting yourself, okay?

He brushed some hair off my neck before speaking again. 

"Okay, Bobbi? Talk to me."

"Okay," I whispered.  I had never been to therapy. I don't even know what that's like. Do they judge you? Are they going to want to give me meds and call me crazy? 

"Hey, stop it. I will be okay. You don't have to do anything or talk about anything you don't want to. It's for your benefit, and I'll be there for whatever you need." I slightly kissed Aedyn's neck to let him know I heard him, and he kissed my forehead in return. 

"Also, from now on, there's no razors or knives or anything in either of our bedrooms or bathrooms, okay? I know you say this won't happen again, but I don't want anything to be there as a temptation or a struggle, okay? I want you to be safe in our rooms. I already had someone go through and take them all away." 

I nodded. I feel so guilty. Not only did Aedyn get a fucked up mate, but now he has to put up with all of this bullshit. 

"There's just one last thing, and I want this one to be up to you. I would really appreciate it if we slept in the same room from now on. I can sleep on the floor, or a couch or something if you want me to,  but I would feel a lot better knowing I was closer to you if you do have a nightmare or something happens and you need me. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep thinking about you in the next room having a nightmare and waking up wanting to hurt yourself." He said it so calmly, but it got my heart racing. 

"I- I don't know." 

"That's okay, you don't knave to know right now. But we really need to work on our communication. I don't want to afraid to tell me about these things. I want to know if you ever feel this way again, and I want you to promise that you'll try to talk to me about it. This is not something I want you to keep in here." He tapped my forehead. "I want you to tell me if you ever get the urge again. Promise me?" I looked up at him and he looked down at me, his hair falling into his eyes. 

"I promise to try to be better." He smiled at me. 

"That's my girl."