Breathe Again [MEDICAL MYSTERY #1]

CHAPTER 13: Escape

A/N: 

Trigger warning! 

This chapter tackles about eating disorder and depression. 

Also, SPG.

Please read at your own risk.

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AFTER makaalis nina Maui ay naiwan akong mag-isa sa hallway. I was left feeling empty, with no one else to hold onto. This just aggravated my urge to eat.

I ran downstairs and bought several food from the canteen. I bought burger, pasta, chicken, chocolates, and softdrinks at naubos ko lahat ng mga ito. Then I ran towards the nearest comfort room and hide myself in a cubicle.

I closed the toilet bowl and seated on it. Hindi ako makahinga sa labis na kabusugan na para bang may nakadagan sa dibdib ko. Nang medyo nakaluwag na ko sa paghinga ay inangat ko ang kanang kamay ko. I stared on it...then I formed it into a fist. I breathe heavily as I lifted my index finger and slowly placed it near my mouth.

Gagawin ko ba talaga 'to?

I should.

Gusto kong isuka lahat nang kinain ko.

I slowly entered my index finger inside my mouth and gradually shoved it down my throat until I felt my fingertip touching my uvula. I immediately gagged by the sensation, and it brought me a different kind of satisfaction.

Paulit-ulit kong ginawa iyon until I felt like belching kaya mabilis akong umupo sa harap ng toilet bowl at saka isinuka lahat ng kinain ko.

This is good. I can eat whatever I want but can throw it up after. Hindi ako tataba pero makakain ko lahat ng gusto ko.

Lumabas ako ng cubicle at naghilamos ng mukha, I also gargled to wash away the remaining vomitus inside my mouth. I stared on my own reflection in the mirror as I dry my face with my hanky.

I bitterly laughed as I look at myself.

How pathetic I could be? Of course what I did is wrong. We studied it. Purging after taking large amount of food is an eating disorder, it is a mental health condition.

Unti-unting nagbagsakan ang mga luha ko nang ma-realize ko kung anong ginawa ko.

What is happening to me? Why did I do that? The voices I'm hearing, the image I'm seeing, I'm outcasting myself, I'm feeling numb and empty, and now I just shoved my finger on my throat to throw up. Do I have to seek for help? Pero kanino ako hihingi ng tulong?

May maniniwala ba sa'kin?

Or they'll just treat me as pathetic woman the way Maui and Gretta treated me?

I bowed my head as my tears continue dropping on the counter of the sink. Maybe I'm just overreacting, maybe it's all in my head, maybe self-pity lang ito.

I came back to my senses when I heard my phone ringing and I saw Azriel's name on my screen.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Where are you? Tapos na class namin."

"Sorry. Andito ako sa 3rd floor, nagutom kasi ako."

"Okay. Baba na ko diyan. Wait for me."

"Azriel..."

"Yes, my fate?"

I did not answer.