Breathe Again [MEDICAL MYSTERY #1]

CHAPTER 19: Relapse

A/N: 

Trigger warning: suicide content, suicide idea content, with visual and auditory hallucinations, dark chapter. Please read at your own risk.

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I HEARD my mom crying out my name for many times and called for help. I heard the loud banging of the door. I heard my dad's voice in shock and regrets. I heard Azriel crying in pain.

I heard the ambulance.

I heard the rescuers busy reviving me.

I heard the wheel of the mobile hospital bed.

I heard different apparatus connected to my body.

I heard a doctor commanding everyone.

I don't know if it's a dream, all I know is I took many pills from the bottle I kept in my cabinet for a long time because I wanted to end this. That is the only solution I saw, ang tapusin ang buhay ko.

When I felt being more aware with my surroundings, I slowly moved my fingers to escape myself from numbness, then I gradually opened my eyes.

The first question that came into my mind after slowly regaining my consciousness is that, "Why am I still alive?" A single tear started to stream down my face upon realizing that I'm still here, breathing and existing, when all I ever wanted is to die.

Bakit hindi pa ko namatay?

"Angel, anak?" I then saw my mom sitting on the chair beside the bed. She's wearing a hospital gown, face mask, and headcap.

I roamed my eyes and the lights are blinding me. I am quite dizzy but I saw the IV line connected on my vein and I felt a nasal cannula on my nose for oxygen. I think I'm also hooked to a urinary catheter.

Why am I still here?

I'm supposed to be dead.

The next thing I heard is my mom calling a doctor. May mga dumating na doctor at nurses but I'm too tired to deal with all of this. I closed my eyes yet again, trying to shut my world down.

I don't want to be alive.

I COMPLETELY regain my consciousness, no more nasal cannula but still hooked to IV. Bihira akong magsalita, wala akong gustong kausapin, pero nakikinig ako sa bawat kwento ni Mommy. She told me that I was intubated in ICU for 4 days...and when my consciousness level and vital signs are gradually becoming normal again, I was extubated and was hooked to nasal cannula for oxygen support instead.

Isang bisita lang ang pwede sa ICU, nagsasalitan sila ng pagbabantay nina Daddy and Azriel habang ang ibang bumibisita ay nasa labas lang at hindi pwedeng pumasok.

I'm scoffing in my mind right now. Who could be this other visitors my mom is talking about? As far as I know, I took my own life because no one already seems to bother about my condtion. This hypocrite people.

Now, I was transferred to a regular room from the ICU because my condition is already stable. Kasama ko ngayon sina Mommy at Azriel.

"Papunta raw po sina Gretta ngayon." Narinig kong sambit ni Azriel kay Mommy.

Umupo sa tapat ko si Mommy at hinawakan ang kamay kong walang swero. "Anak, pupunta raw ngayon ang mga kaibigan mo."

Kaibigan?