Breathe Again [MEDICAL MYSTERY #1]

CHAPTER 20: Plot Twist

A/N: Long update. 

TW: Suicide content, auditory and visual hallucinations content, with really explicit and disturbing words, may trigger depressive episodes. 

Please read at your own risk, really not for a heart-fainted. 

Stop reading if you must.

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MINUTES of silence passed inside my psychiatrist clinic. She's sitting on a swivel chair in front of me while I'm sitting on the long couch. Nakangiti lang siya sa'kin, matyagang naghihintay sa isasagot ko. She asked me kung ano ang nangyari pero ilang minuto na ang lumipas ay hindi pa rin ako sumasagot.

Our eyes met again and she still just smiled at me. I gulped and bowed my head.

"Are you not comfortable, Angel?" she asked with a really gentle and sweet voice. "It's okay. It's fine."

I felt guilty. She really has a long patience yet here I am, not complying. I heaved a sigh to muster all my courage. "I..." Tumingin ulit ako sa kanya at naghihintay lang siya sa sasabihin ko. "I saw...someone," I said in a low tone of voice.

She gave me a single nod while smiling, giving me the chance to decide if I should continue or not.

"I saw," I heaved a sigh. "Doctor Arcilla."

She nodded repeatedly now with a questioning expression. "May I know if who is this Doctor Arcilla?"

I haven't told her anything about him...not even the incidence of him raping me and about our deal. But she knew about my video being spread online. This would be the first time that I will be opening this up to someone. My lips started to tremble as I remembered what he did to me.

"Angel, if you are not comfortable with the topic, if you don't like to answer, it's okay with me." Sobrang hinahon ng boses niya. She was so gentle that I can actually feel comfortable. Her voice is so pacifying that it made me surrender all my fear.

"He was the one who took my video. The hand that was seen in the video playing with my body belongs to him." I paused for a while only to recall everything tha happened before that.

Sinabi ko ang lahat-lahat sa kanya simula noong exam namin na napansin kong iba ang set of questions ko, noong pumunta ko sa office niya at inofferan niya ko ng deal, in the office where he assaulted me for the first time, when he blackmailed me with our video of Azriel kaya napapayag ako, the time I surrendered my purity to Azriel, the time I went to Dr. Arcilla and he raped me, hanggang sa pagkalat ng video ko ay kwinento ko sa kanya.

Seconds passed before she finally let out a deep breathe. "And how are you feeling about it?"

I unconsciously blinked my eyes as I felt lump on my throat. My hands turned into a hard ball and a fire rages inside my chest. "I'm angry. I am so angry." My eyes are in brink of tears. "Galit na galit po ako. Galit na galit ako sa ginawa niya, galit ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko, galit ako kay Daddy, galit ako kay Gretta at sa mga kaibigan ko, galit ako kay Gerry, galit ako kay Maui...pero higit sa lahat, mas galit na galit ako sa sarili ko."

My chest is rising and falling as I can't control my emotions. "I hate myself for being weak, for making wrong decisions. I hate myself for putting others first. I hate how my life ended up like this. I hate myself...and I hate myself for hating myself."

She leaned forward and placed her elbows on her thighs. "And do you think you deserve that hate?"

My tears finally fell from my eyes. "I don't."