Breathe Again [MEDICAL MYSTERY #1]

CHAPTER 21: Cease to Exist

A/N: 

Sorry sa matagal na update, daming ginagawa sa hospital and nawawalan na rin ako ng gana magsulat haha. 

Thank you sa mga readers na nakaabot hanggang sa chapter na 'to. Haba ng patience niyo hahaha. 

Enjoy reading <3

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IF this is some kind of a dream, I badly needed to wake up. I only wanted to die, but I never wanted to see my own self dying slowly. Never in my life I imagined that I will be like this...to be a soul. I do believe in spiritual entities, I do believe in God, in angels, in heaven, in souls. But I never thought that I would be one of them.

I am standing here in the operating room, staring on my own body lying on the operating bed. Pinagmasdan ko ang mukha ng babaeng nakahiga, kahit sugat sugat ang mukha niya, masasabi kong ako talaga ang babaeng iyon. I tried to touch her face, pero tumagos lang ang kamay ko sa mukha niya.

Why is this happening to me?

Am I in purgatory?

Ibig sabihin ba nito, totoo ang mga sinasabi ng mga matatanda? That suicide is a mortal sin and unforgivable? Na kapag nag-suicide ka, hindi rin matatahimik ang kaluluwa mo? Na mananatili lang dito sa lupa ang kaluluwa mo dahil hindi mo pa naman oras para mamatay?

I don't know anymore. I thought once I ended my life, everything will end as well, but it just got more painful. Walang nakakakita sa'kin, walang nakakarinig, walang nakakahawak.

I placed my fist over my chest and felt no heartbeat. I placed my index and middle finger on my wrist and felt no pulse. I placed my palm inches away from my mouth and breathe but I felt no air. I looked on the glass beside me, and I saw no reflection of myself.

I felt alone more than ever.

Muli kong tinitigan ang sarili kong nasa operating bed. "You jumped from a building with eleven floors, how come you're still alive and still fighting for your life? How come you're still not dead?"

I looked at her face. "I hate you so much."

A single tear streamed down my face before walking away. I don't need to open the door since I can pass through the wall.

Paglabas ko ng OR ay nakita ko sina Azriel, Maui, at ang mga dating kaibigan ko. I saw them a while ago and I tried hard to talk to them but who am I kidding? Hindi naman nila ko naririnig kahit anong sigaw ko.

Then I saw someone rushing towards us.

"Mommy..."

Umiiyak siya pagdating at paulit-ulit na tinanong si Azriel kung anong nangyari. She looks miserable and really worried. Nanginginig ang buong katawan niya at pinapakalma na lang siya ng lahat. Pinaupo siya ni Azriel at hinahaplos ang likod nito.

Tears rolled down my face spontaneously. "I'm sorry, Mommy. I'm so sorry."

Umupo ako sa harap niya at tiningala siya. "Mommy, andito ako. Andito po ako sa harap mo, Mommy."

"Patawarin mo ko, anak!" she cried while looking up. "Patawarin mo ko."

"Mommy, wala kang kasalanan. These are all my fault. I'm so sorry, Mommy." I tried to touch her face to wipe away her tears pero tumagos ulit ang kamay ko sa mukha niya. I tired to hold her hand, I tried to hug her, but my body is just passing through hers.

Fuck! This is so frustrating!

"Mommy please, stop crying. I'm so sorry."

When my mom finally calmed down ay kumalma na rin ako, pero hindi pa rin nagsi-sink in sa'kin ang lahat. Is this for real? Ganito na ba talaga ko? Hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito?