Execution [Book 2 of The English Lion]

XLIX. Isabelle

It's Valentine's Day and I'm fine.

No. I'm not considering I went through the day with a blank mind, not really focusing on anything at all. Until that underrated Valentine's dinner. The level of effort, the irresponsibility and the change in Philippe just raged me. I spent that night in Alex's room, crying myself to sleep with his portrait in my hand, clenching it tightly, missing Alex terribly.

Now, after February gently gave way to March, it's been seven months since Alex's death, and the emptiness is just... unbearable. I wake up every morning, expecting him there beside me, only to be disappointed. I had to constantly remind myself that Alex's gone, he's not coming back, and even if you wish for him to come back, he won't.

That cruel voice never stops reminding me that he's gone. It serves as a constant reminder and a reminder so painful that I feel like I am becoming more irrational as time goes on since Alex died, and since Philippe came into my view as a friend, despite what had happened on my birthday last year. Alex was what kept me rational, he's my rock as I am his. Something told me that we've been made perfectly for one another.

There were times where I would imagine him doing whatever he was doing in his room, among a number of other places in Buckingham Palace. I'm not hallucinating or anything, but it's just... small details that I noticed about Alex that constantly remind me of him. Daily objects used by Alex also have the ability to remind me of him constantly. There are also times where... I can hear his voice in the distance, telling me to move on, motivating me, and the occasional flirts and compliments that he magically weaved into the conversations shared between the two of us.

Now that April is approaching... I do hope my wish will come true. A wish that I had been wishing to come true since Christmas, and the only wish I have since Alex died. I need him to come back. But, there had been constant reminders besides that cruel voice: Philippe, portraits, the pity looks, and the fact that Hugo is gone too. Those two are inseparable. The fact that Hugo is a prisoner of war the day before Alex died just proves how cruel the fates are. There had been attempts to get Hugo back, through diplomacy and military, but it has failed miserably.