Execution [Book 2 of The English Lion]

XXXVI. Isabelle

Thursday, 19th October 1939

Dear Diary,

It's been sixteen days, and my diary entries vary from long, and reflective entries to entries that are short to the point. I wasn't in any mood for the extremely long diary entries for some days because of how much I miss Alex and it's quite painful just thinking of him. A lot of things have happened since the start of this war, and Alex's death. I haven't been sleeping well nor eating properly since he died. I know that he did the wedding planning and all, as I had tried to find the portfolio, binder or whatever that had Alex's wedding planning. I've been trying to find it the past two weeks and to no avail, I haven't found it yet. Colette had been helping me today and we found nothing, resulting in me being extremely frustrated. I do believe that Colette knows and the sneaking suspicion that she tries to steer me away from the true location of the wedding planning.

Today is just no different. Colette had been watching me carefully today like she always does for the past sixteen days. I've thrown myself into work today, and there would be times in the day today where I couldn't concentrate on whatever I was doing. It's just hard to concentrate sometimes when there are things that remind me of Alex after I go down memory lane. Fourteen years of memories and little things that I came across for the past sixteen days have triggered any memory, both good and the bad. Speaking of which, Christmas, Valentine's and Alex's birthday will now be celebrated alone, for me at least. I'm not so sure if I want to even celebrate Valentine's and Alex's birthday. I, at the very least, have Alex's family for Christmas. Looks like I need to adjust to being... alone. Everyone knew that when Alex died, it would be very hard for me so they tried to help me with that. I appreciate their help but I feel like it is my burden to carry the grief of Alex's death alone.

-Isabelle