"Death is irresistable. It is impossible to prevent it from taking someone you dearly loved away from you." This is what lingers in my mind.
I am not completely healed yet. The wounds in my heart that are deeply carved are still bleeding, like an ocean that never runs out of water. People always say that I should move on—from the past and heartbreak, but I can't. I just can't move forward and I don't want to either.
It's been three years now since God took my youngest sibling from us. God took my brother the day he was born and up to this day, accepting the fact that he's gone already seems still too hard for me. I can't accept it because I can't even believe that we'd lose him. I can't believe that God can do this to me. That he can also shred my heart into pieces.
I can't let go of my youngest brother although he already left us. He loosen his grip on our hands. God, why did you take him this early? Why did not you let him see the beauty of your creations? Why did not you give him the chance to breath fresh air and be kissed by the sun when the stars leave the clouds? God, I want to hear the response that I haven't heard yet. Some people say that you took him because you need more angels in heaven. I don't want to hear this line again from you. This line is overused. It doesn't enlighten my mind. It brings me a headache instead.
He should be three years old now if only if he's still alive. If only if you didn't take him back. I'm longing for his presence. I want to see him smile like how I usually do to the sun when it rises and hear his laughter as if it's my favorite music that is being played. God, I badly want my youngest brother back but I then realized that asking you for someone to be back, who no longer has a life is hard. Being granted with what I ask for is impossible.
I always believed in miracles like how I believed in fairytales and I thought it would work on him. I thought it would make him alive so I prayed for it to happen but I was definitely wrong.
I never thought that being left by someone you dearly loved for a lifetime would be this painful. I wish he just left our house to go far away. With this, we could perhaps bear the pain. But he didn't just left us, he left the world and I will forever be blaming myself for his death.
I wish heaven has visiting time, so I could visit him and know how is he. When the sun sets and the darkness takes place, I always look up above and search for him among the countless of stars in the universe, hoping to see him smiling at me.
I hope he'll visit me in my dreams and give me some tips on how to let him go because I just love him so much.
