I met Justin at one of the well-known bars here in Cebu. I was so depressed that night, knowing that I was unable to pass the final exam. The thought of entering a bar and drowning myself into alcoholic beverages crossed my mind. The pain was just so unbearable that I decided to try how would it feel like to drink a tequila for the first time.
"Pasensya, pero bawal dito ang mga minor."
"I'm already 18 years old. Get your fucking self out of my way!"
Tarantang umalis sa harapan ko ang guard na mukha namang siopao. May pa shining shimmering pa ang ulo na kalbo.
"Pahingi nga ng tequila".
Nagtaka naman ako kung bakit hindi pa din ako binigyan ng bartender. Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito at titig lang siya ng titig ha.
"What are you looking at? Sabi ko, pahingi ng tequila".
"Hindi po binibigay ang tequila, ma'am".
"Anong hindi?"
"Kailangan mo po munang magbayad".
Aha sabi ko nga eh. Napahiya tuloy ako do'n.
I handed him the bill and raised my eyebrows. Ang tagal!
"Heto po."
Napakunot naman ang noo ko ng makitang kulay puti ang binigay niya.
"Ano 'to? Tubig? For your information, kuya marami kaming tubig sa bahay. I'm here for a tequila and—".
"FYI po ma'am, hindi po ito tubig. Saang lupalop ka ba ng mundo galing?"
I rolled my eyes at him. Tinitigan ko 'yong isinalin niya sa baso.
"Akala ko kulay orange..."
"Anong akala mo ma'am, juice ang tequila?"
"Ha ahhh... Eh Oo nga no?"
Iinumin ko na sana 'yung tequila kaso may tumabig sa kamay ko dahilan para tumilapon ang laman nito sa mukha ng bartender. Gulat at inis akong napatingin sa lalaki pero tiningnan lang ako nito pabalik na para bang 'he did not do something wrong.' Napaka walang emosyon ng mukha niyang paking shimmering.
"Ano bang problema mo ha? Kita mong nagwalwal ako dito eh!"
Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Wala akong paki kung gwapo siya, makinis ang mukha at matangkad. Pangit pa din ng ugali. Badtrip. 'Type na sana kita'.
"Did your parents tell you to drink?"
Nanlaki ang mata ko sa tanong niya. Ibinaba ko na naman ang baso ng alak.
Ano bang paki ng lalaking 'to? May kasalanan na nga e nang iinis pa.
"Why are you asking me that question? Are we close friends?"
"No, but maybe we can be more than just friends".
Kikiligin na sana ako do'n kaso, bakit emotionless ang mukha niya? Wala man lang bang 'ngiti ngiti'?
"Makakaalis ka na". Walang gana kong sabi at akmang iinum na sana ng pigilan niya ang kamay ko.
"Why do you drink? Don't you know that it's not good to your health?"
"Why are you asking me? Are you an investigator? Drinking is not illegal naman din, diba?"
"I'm not an investigator, but I want to know why it's easy for you to commit such crime".
"Crime? Gago ka ba? Ano ako, drug pusher? Mamamatay tao?"
"Magnanakaw".
Gulat akong napaturo sa sarili. Napalingon lingon ako sa paligid. Wala naman ata akong ninakaw do'n. Puro lang naman upuan, lamesa at alak ang display tsaka I wasn't born to nakaw.
"Yes, you are a magnanakaw. You take my heart from me and I worry that I might not ask it back. I might tell you to own it for a lifetime".
Ewan ko ba pero parang nag iinit ang mukha ko sa narinig. Tuluyan ko tulo'yng nainum 'yong tequila. Mukhang hindi pa nga ang alak na 'yon ang nagtatanggal ng depresyon ko kundi ang matatamis niyang mga salita.
Seemed like I was able to drink three shots and I could no longer remember what happened next. I just found myself waking up inside the car. Nagulat ako nang makita ko ang lalaki sa gilid.
"Sino ka?"
Napatingin ako sa aking sarili. Hindi na ito ang damit na sinuot ko kagabi. My mind seemed to be blocked.
"I'm Justin. The one who changed your clothes".
Kinabahan ako sa sinabi niya. I tried to remember what happened pero ang sakit sa ulo.
"Ako 'yong kausap mo kagabi sa bar. You remember now?"
Sa bar? Nagpunta ako sa bar?
Tangeee! Oo nga, dahil depressed ka Serie! Bagsak ka 'diba?!
"Bakit mo pinakialaman ang damit ko? Did I tell you ha?"
"You vomited on your clothes".
Pero bakit pati pang ibaba, iba na din ang suot ko?
"I changed your shorts, too. Nakalimutan mo ba na nag dive ka sa kanal kagabi?"
Ha? What the paking shimmering! Anong pinaggagawa mo, Sheriee?
"May ginawa ka ba sa akin aside from changing my clothing?"
Diretso kong tanong. Napapikit ako sa aking mata. Sana naman wala...
"Yes. I never thought you're still—".
"Tama na. Kalimutan mo na 'yong nangyari."
Dali dali akong lumabas sa sasakyan niya. Gusto kong umiyak dahil nawalan ako ng pinaka-importanteng bagay pero walang luha ang pumatak. I couldn't believe I did it with a stranger.
——
Three weeks had passed and I felt something so strange. I always felt so dizzy. I vomited whenever I had smell something smelly or whenever I had eaten such foods. I craved for manggos with bagoong, barbeque na saging, chocolates and all.
Kinabahan na ako sa aking sarili. I might be pregnant. With this, I bought a pregnancy test and it was confirmed. I was pregnant.
I wanted to abort the baby so I could finish my education but I still chose what's right. I decided to carry him in my womb. Yes, my parents were very disappointed in me but they could not do anything else but to accept what happened.
Hanggang sa dumating 'yong araw na sobrang sakit na ng tiyan ko. I was hurried to the hospital. Parang gusto nang lumabas ni baby mula sa sinapupunan ko. I was brought to the emergency room and got surprised when the man I never expected to see was there. Justin happened to be my obstetrician. Siya ang magpapaanak sa akin. I could see a handful of questions in his face but he had to do his duty yet.
"Push it! Sige pa!"
I was really sweating. Pagod na ako kakaere. Ang sakit.
"Come on, babe! Kunti nalang!" Justin said.
I had had a hard time in delivering our baby. Tears were already streaming down. I couldn't help but to cry in pain.
I pushed again and pakiramdam ko'y lumabas na 'yong baby.
I was so happy. Finally makikita ko na ang ang aking anak.
"Sorry."
Nagulat ako nang umiyak si Justin. Humagulgol ito habang nakayakap sa akin. Narealized niya ba na he had not been there by side during those times that I needed him?
"I know I am the father. I'm sorry to tell that our baby undergoes intrapartum fetal death. I'm very sorry that I failed to save him, Serrie".
