Contrary || l.p.

17. Flaked Out

Happy New Year's Eve, Kailanders! Its literally 12:02 PST, and I wanted to update this special because it is the eve of a new year!

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Last night was probably one of the worst nights that I have had in the history of nights. I couldn't sleep for about three hours, thinking about why Liam would explode at me like that. I lay awake, wondering if he was missing me as much as I was missing him. I was wondering whether or not he was blaming himself or if he was blaming me. I was wishing that this horrible ache in my chest and this turning in my stomach would just disappear, but it turned and ached over and over and over again. Then, I fell asleep a little until 4AM hit, when I jolted awake from a bad dream about actually getting lost and Liam not coming after me. His dream had now been embedded into my head, and I now had this fear that if I walked alone, someone would grab me and kill me.

It's a good thing that my dad finally had my car fixed yesterday, and I could quit relying on Li- people to give me rides home. I'm pretty sure my dad knew that something was up when he told me that he had it fixed, and I replied with a tiny smile, then bolted upstairs.

I even refused to come downstairs for dinner last night, which left me starving the moment my alarm woke me up this morning. Then again, I wasn't sure if I was even able to eat. My appetite had disappeared on me, yet my stomach was growling...begging me for food. 

But now I was awake. 

Now I had to face the day without him there. I tried my best to figure out how it was possible for this day to feel so foreign without him, when he had only been in my life for a couple of days. Why did I feel so empty? Why did I feel like I had known him all my life? Why did I feel like he had been a huge part of me that now left a hole in my every day routine. Why was Liam Payne so damn important?

I dragged myself to the bathroom, frightening myself at the girl who stared back at me through the mirror. She had puffy eyes, messed up hair, a bright pink nose and not to mention that she just looked altogether, broken.

I had never woken up looking as broken as I did right now...not even with the incident with Isaiah, which confused me slightly. I began to think that it was because when I was with Isaiah, I expected something to happen. He was already up to my suspicion, and I knew something was going to happen one way or another. For Liam, on the other hand, I made myself believe that he was changing. I spent this entire week thinking that maybe I knew the real him, and I believed it so badly that all my beliefs came crashing down the minute I saw who he was. I fell for the person I thought he was, not the person he is.

So many books, movies, lectures and even small pamphlets have taught the same lesson that I had been ignoring: You may think you know someone, but you don't...especially after an entire week. How could I have possibly thought that I knew the real Liam within seven or six days of being with him?

I huffed and trudged downstairs for a quick breakfast, hoping that my body would give in to eating at least something. 

To my surprise, mom sat there at the dinner table with her fingers wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate. Usually, at this time of day, she'd already be at work.

Immediately, she looked up at me and smiled. "Good morning, love," she said and motioned for me to sit. "Come on down. Have some breakfast."

I slowly made my way down the remainder of the staircase and joined my mother at the table.

"I thought you had work today," I told her as I went to kiss her cheek.

"I do, but I have a later shift around 9," she explained and placed a plate in front of me. She got up and began placing two slices of bread in the toaster. "Did your dad tell you about your car?"