Contrary || l.p.

9. Mistakes

I couldn't stop myself from being bothered by the fact that Liam looked way too defeated by the situation that happened a moment ago. I snuck glances at him a few times, and it almost looked like he was about to cry or something. He had the strongest face on, but tears were welling up in his eyes, ready to fall; but he, being a tough person, never let them fall. That bothered me a lot more than it should have, and all I wanted to do was be there for him, even if he never wanted it.

"Liam," I spoke quietly.

He glanced over at me for a quick second. "Uhh, yeah?" he cleared his throat.

"I'm worried." I gripped the sleeve of my sweater as the words tumbled out of my mouth. "I'm worried about you," I admitted, hoping that he would not explode at me like he had been doing the past few days.

"You always are," he said in a monotoned voice.

I sighed and looked down at my hands. "What happened back there?" I asked him carefully. "If you don't want to say anything, that's okay. I just want you to know I'm here for you."

I heard his hand grip the steering wheel as he shook his head slowly and sighed. "I'm not going to tell you all of it right now. I'm still building up trust. But all I'm going to tell you right now is that there are some mistakes I made in the past...people who I was not necessarily supposed to be around...and all those things are coming back, Jess. They're coming back to bite me in the ass."

I sighed and bit my lip. "I know what you mean..."

"No you don't," he shook his head. "You think you do, but it's a lot different from what you think it is. I was a bad person, Jessie. A bad, horrible, messed up person. This affected my family, my relationship and myself, and you say that you know what I mean, but you don't. Whatever you're thinking right now is not even close to what I was, so don't say you get it."

I closed my mouth and remained silent, knowing that if I said that I understood, he would never speak to me again. But I knew that he wasn't the same person that he was before. He seemed as if he were better than what he had described. If he had been so horrible in the past and is reflecting upon it now as his past self, then that must be evidence that he has changed.

"You're not a bad person anymore," I told him honestly, "if that's what's bothering you."

He remained silent, but I could tell that he was listening for anything else I had to say.

"Those past mistakes that you claim to be extremely horrible," I continued, "you need to put them behind you, Liam. You're a better person now. I can tell," I tried convincing him.

He shook his head. "You don't really know me, Jess," he mumbled. "I was a bad person. Don't think for one second that I might not go back to the person I was. There might be a day where I can't do it anymore, and I go back to being him, so don't tell me that I'm not a bad person; I treated you like crap when I met you, remember?"

"You did," I stated. "You treated me like crap and I know I felt that way, but you talked to me. You got to know me. And here I am, telling you that you're not a bad person," I argued. "This could have gone two ways: 1) Never going out to the dock to see if you were okay, or 2) Actually takinng the risk to try to find the light in you, and we could maybe... just maybe be good friends," I explained. "I could have easily taken the first choice, Liam. But I didn't. I chose to know you. I chose to stay with you on that dock. I chose. you."

Again, he remained absolutely silent, but still listened.

"Why can't you see that you are already a good guy?" I asked him slowly.