12:02am

07. 07. 20

4:37pm~

This is a weird tangent, but I have heard many comments saying that I don't look like what I'm supposed to look like.

For example:

I'm 20 but my uncle said that I looked 12.

I'm Filipina but I've been resembled to an East Indian, Chinese, Japanese (by my own dad) and Latina person.

I'm short when people expect those my age in my country to be way taller. (I don't even meet average height)

I look like the one of the youngest people in my friend group, but I'm one of the oldest (often).

I speak French but people don't expect it cause I don't look like I would know French.

I don't know Tagalog when I'm supposed to be Tagalog...or I don't know any Asian language for that matter when I look (am) Asian.

I have resting 'sad' face, even when I'm not really sad.

My best friend said look like a completely different person when I take off my glasses. (Frankly I don't like how I look glasses off, but that's not the point).

Like, I get that it's 'cool' nowadays to look like you're beyond people's expectations, and I get that everyone has something about them that is just "unique" to them. But to me, I've gotten these same comments over and over again from young to old people that sometimes, you just get tired of it.

Often I'm jealous of people that look like their age and look like their nationality that I wish for one day to be in their shoes so I can go to the bar without having to show my ID.

But, is it that simple for me? Nope.

I was born this way and had gained an interest in French so now I have to correct people for the rest of my life. Whoopee.

Well, if I'm being serious, I guess it's not completely bad. It gives a stranger I have to talk to a topic to choose from. But, besides that, it's hard to be somewhat "mysterious" to other people.

I didn't ask for this, okay? I don't even care if people think I'm interesting, like, I barely get out of the house anyways and I don't try to talk to people.

But, it's like God (if you believe God exists and is God) cursed me with this appearance just so I have to force myself to converse with people. It's not a horrible thing--more of a "first world problem" humble brag--but it still makes me uncomfortable as an introvert.

These discrepancies about my appearance, also make it hard for people to take me seriously, especially when you have babyface. 

Like, I'm sure other people have it worse than me. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a mixed race person, or someone with resting bitch face, but I do have an idea, I guess.

Anyways, for the most part, if you saw me in public, you probably wouldn't think I'm anything special. I'm invisible to most people because you'd have to look down to find me.

Haha, get it? It's a short joke.

Anyways, anyways, I'm going to do some homework now. Summer school just started and we'll see how it goes...

All the best to anyone reading this.

This is Cal, signing off.

~5:13pm