12:55am~
Hands.
They are beautiful things.
And no, fyi, I don't have a fetish.
During these wee hours of the night when I just couldn't seem to sleep at all, I found myself staring mindlessly at my hands.
Twisting and turning my hands around, flexing and relaxing my fingers. Though doing these things, I found it surprisingly relaxing. Especially when the moonlight shone on the wall and I was able to make shadow hand puppets for fun.
To be honest, my hands aren't really that nice to look at. Someone I know says that I have the hands of someone who works a lot---coarse, flaky outside wrapped around a tough leathery palm marked by tons of lines as well as, fingernails cut so short they make my fingers look like fat, chubby sausages.
Besides studying a lot, I don't really think that my hands do match what conditions I live in, however. I live in a suburban neighbourhood nestled comfortably on the outskirts of my city, and I don't even have a job (still).
Part of me believes that I am too privileged to resemble the hands joined to my wrists, loosely tapping keystrokes on a MacBook near 1am in the morning.
On another note, I have had those dreams where I wished someone could touch me with the electricity found only in TV dramas and rom-coms. Of course, I'm still too much of a loner to have someone that I know of get close enough to me to do this.
A gentle caress of one's frostbitten cheek under a flickering streetlamp in an unforgiving world.
The moment when two endearing eyes meet and one lover reaches out to brush their thumb across the other's lips, as if they're completing a painting.
The toasty embrace of being wrapped in someone's arms, whilst they trace the shape of your shoulders, subconsciously reassuring they'll never let you go.
All the good stuff, I've seen it on TV, and I've desired for such intimacy.
However, if I were to be in a relationship, I think I would be at a point where I would make less of a commitment to them, and just use them for all the touching. Not to say I'm scandalous or anything, but I am a touchy-feely, sensitive kind of person.
To be honest, if you were to ask me what the "perfect" hand looks like, I would really say there is one, aesthetically.
I think the perfect hand is the one that does the right stuff. And no, I don't mean that in a wrong way.
I mean that, the perfect hand belongs to someone who knows what to do with it, and move with it in such a way, and in the perfect context that their movements are as sheen as silk.
Will I ever find such a person. Well, I've had a relationship before, but it didn't work out so...I'm not sure.
Again, I'm still very much, a lonely person.
But, who knows...perhaps in the future, I'll be courageous enough to tell them all the feel-good, fuzzy feelings in my itty bitty heart~
...Or not, you know.
Anything can happen...
Alright,
This is Cal, signing off.
~1:30am
YOU ARE READING
12:02am
Sonstiges⚠️ mental health trigger warning ⚠️ The evening is slowly coming to a close, its eyes struggle to keep awake. But your thoughts are exposed, like strips of neon light, exploding from the synapses of your brain. The mind often wanders about its exist...
