"Ughhhhhh...."
I grumbled as I walked inside my aunt's house, dead tired. Removing my shoes and backpack seems like a chore and it took all I have to drag myself over to the nearest couch before unceremoniously dropping down like actual bird droppings.
"Oh, you are early today." From the kitchen, Oliver brought out two cans of cola and a basket of leftover caramel popcorn from the theater; I accidentally broke the shaved ice maker last week so I guess that will be all we're having today.....chewing is annoying though, "Ready for 76?"
I was so tired I didn't even bother looking up when he placed the two cans on the table and began eating without me, "Where are your parents today?"
"Sleeping."
"Uh...are they..." Using all the strength I could muster, I turned my head to the side to face him and make a circle with my left thumb and index before poking my right middle finger through, "...you know..."
"Of course not!!" Oliver screeched, spitting out bits of popcorn at the same time. "Get your mind out of the goddamn gutter!!"
"Okay, then." I yawned without covering my mouth, "I quit my job at the store today."
"Ah, so you finally got fired." Oliver nodded in understanding.
"No, I walked out of my own free will!" I snapped playfully, "There's a difference!"
"Whatever. So what happened?"
I turned over onto my back and thought about what happened in the last hour, "Well, you know how I never got along with my manager and all that stuff?"
"What of it?"
"Shit hit a boiling point today—"
"It's spring."
I snorted, "Don't take it literally. Anyway, the reason we never got along with each other in the first place is that he's Catholic and I'm an atheist. Pretty sure the only reason why he hired me is because of my name."
"That's true."
"Hey! You are supposed to disagree with me—"
"For someone with such an angelic name you aren't that interested in religion."
"Anime is my religion." I proclaimed proudly, "Our place of worship is the internet, and the holy land is Japan, we pray to the anime god every day for our OTPs to be canon, and mangas are our Bible. What more do you need?"
"....legal acceptance?"
"Whatever. He nags on me all the time on how I should just get on board with the rest of them already—my coworkers are also Catholics." I ignored Oliver's sarcastic comment, "I tried to keep calm for the past few months but when he insulted both me and anime, I felt something snapped and I just up and left. I'll go insane sooner or later if I keep working there—the pay's not even that good anyway."
Out of breath from speaking so much at once, I paused and took a can of cola on the table, "...hm? Why is it a little warm?"
"Oh, that?" Oliver chewed, "I just took it out from dad."
"Did you shove it up his ass or something?" My cousin shook his head, and I skeptically smelled the can, "...where then?"
"I put it in his armpits."
"EWWW!!" I dropped the can on the floor immediately and it rolled all the way under the sofa, "Why on earth would you do that?!"
"It's funny how his face scrunches up when his armpit got cold but he didn't wake up." Oliver replied in perfect deadpan, "Just drink it normally. It hasn't been there for that long. What happened next?"
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Reincarnated in The Royal Tutor?!
FanficHe died a normal death at the young age of seventeen and that was it. However, it seems that fate has other plans for one Edward von Granzreich. "Fuck you, Eins. How are you always so damn good at everything?!" "Language, Edward." I can't believe I...