CheckMate (A Luke Castellan fan fic. OC CHARACTER)

Falling Pt. 2

A/N: I couldn't think of another title. Plus it still fits in with the chapter plot.
I literally just go with the flow. I have no plans for this book. I just make them up as I go.
This chapter will contain attempted suicide, suicidal thoughts, and self harming. Also a flashback scene of rape.
I myself have been somewhat in the same situation as Raphael. Never, NEVER ever result to cutting or suicide. You are cared about in this world. Don't forget that.
I'm sorry if you get uncomfortable.But it is how it is. Sorry😘
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Nine Days Later
Raphaels POV

For the passed week I have been blessed with these terrible nightmares. Let's just say it hasn't improved my self esteem. Like not at all.
I have been distancing myself from Luke and the others and barely eating. Will knocked on my door several times in the last couple days. He just ended up walking away.
Nico shadow traveled in. Only to be pushed out by me. I just laid there in my blood stained sheets. Yeah, you heard me. I went back to cutting. No one loved me. No one deserves to. I'm a disgrace to the world.
What was I saying? Oh right! My nightmares. Or living hell.
As I ran through the dark misty graveyard: emplousa followed me. I had no idea where I was but I couldn't help but freak the fuck out. I ran passed several graves and sarcophagus'.
I tripped over a rock and fell. A person appeared in front of me. I recognized her immediately. Evangellene Brown. My old girlfriend. The only one person that understood me. The only person whom I've ever truly loved. The one person that understood how I felt every day.
I forgot how gorgeous she was. Her lightly tanned skin and her dark black hair. Matching with her beautiful blue eyes. Her cute little button nose adorned with freckles. She still wore what I last saw her in. A black flannel and ripped jeans. With a pentagram necklace.
I backed up against a tomb. "No one has ever loved you Raphael. No one even cares about you. Everyone wishes you're dead. Just kill yourself already. No. One. Loves. You. Kill. Yourself."
She held my throat tightly. My throat started to close and I couldn't breathe. The dream ended and I woke up upright. I was covered in sweat and grime.
No one loves me. Why would they?? I'm nothing but a monster and a threat to the world. Why would someone care for me. A monster, nothing but a threat to the world.
I reached under the bed and to the small box I have hidden. I grabbed it and turned it upside down. I took off the tape holding the razor blade on there. I put the box back under the bed and moved the blankets. I walked over to the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it.
I crumpled against the doors of the shower and the tears started. I was now sitting in the shower pondering my life.
The door to the bedroom opened and I heard Luke wondering where I was. He knocked on the bathroom door and I didn't answer.
I drug the blade across my thighs one, two, three, four times. I didn't deserve to be in this world. No one deserved to know me. I was an abomination. A threat to the world. No one loved me and no one ever will. I now had four long bleeding cuts on my thighs. Dripping down onto the shower tile.
I held the blade up to my wrist and started to cut. I cut down my arm towards my forearm. Then doing the same to my other arm. Basically where the Death Eater tattoo is in Harry Potter.
Nico ran down next to me and swatted the blade away. "Raphael!" He picked up my semi- limp body and unlocked the bathroom door. He placed me on the bed and ran to get Will.
I ducked under the bed and grabbed another blade, finishing what I started. I added four more cuts on my thighs and finished slitting my wrists. No one deserved my love. No one ever again. No one deserved to love me either.
I heard the door click and I quickly threw the blade on the floor. Will had needle and thread in his hands and gauze. Along with a syringe full or something clear.
I was still crying. Will ran over and injected my half dead body with I'm going to guess is anesthesia. My head started spinning, Will stitches my arms up along with my legs.
Nico sat there on the bed staring at it breathing heavily. He ran his hands up and down his arms. There were faint scars himself. "Raphael.... why?" I just closed my eyes. The world was still spinning and I felt like I was falling again.
There was angry banging on the door. "Raph. Open the door! What's wrong?" It was Luke. Will finished and straddled my waist holding my face in his hands. "Why. Why?" I just stared at him.
Will kissed my forehead and got off me. He walked over to my trunk and grabbed me clothes. I just laid there while he helped me change. I stared at the ceiling. I didn't even register my epilepsy kicking in until Will gently grabbed my shoulder.
I scooted away from him and started hyperventilating. My eyes darted back and forth. Nico walked over and held my body against his. "Shh. Hey, I'm here. We're all here. Don't worry." That didn't help.
The lunch bell rang. "Nico picked me up and set me on the ground. "We're going to lunch." He started to push me towards the door. "I-I'm not hungry." He continued to gently lead me to the door.
"I said I ain't hungry Nico." I said more sternly. I looked at me. I just nodded my head and opened the door of the room. Luke sat up against the wall and stood up once he saw me.
He gently grabbed my wrist. I winced in pain, he noticed this. I yanked it away and walked towards the front door.
I heard him running after me. Nico held my waist. "Breathe. I will force your middle name out." Fuck you Nico.
Whenever someone said my middle name, it was like I was forced to do whatever they wanted me to do. Sort of like that movie Ella Enchanted with Anna Hathaway. Yeah. Like that. Sort of.
I rolled my eyes and sat down at the table. Hazel wasn't there. Sadly. Will and Nico sat acrossed from me. I slowly paced myself as I ate. I didn't want to seem malnourished in public. I ate my rice in peace before Luke came over and sat down.
He placed a hand on my thigh. I winced. "Love. What's wrong?" I just continued to eat. Will looked at me and raised his brows. "Nothings wrong. I just fell getting out of the shower this morning and scraped my knee. It's nothing." He nodded his head. He knew I was lying. He's not stupid. Well.... he is. But like. We won't talk about that right now.
"I'm done eating. I'll be in my room." I stood up to leave. Luke grabbed my wrist. I got a flashback to when I was raped.
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*Flashback*

My nine year old self sat on my bed as I read my book. Tim walked in the room. He was clearly drunk and probably high. He stumbled over and pressed his hand on my hip and laid me down on the bed. I squirmed and thrashed and kicked. But it got me no where. He ripped my shorts off. He gripped my wrists tight enough that I could feel something being crushed.
He punched me and cut me every time I made a noise or tried to kick him. He took his pants off and well... yeah.
He left the room and left me there... broken, hurting, and I couldn't feel my lower half of my body. Since I was nine. I didn't understand what happened to me until it was to late. My thighs and arms and neck even were bleeding and cut. Hickies and bruises scattered my body. As I lay there on the bed. I couldn't help but think that I was going to die.
I stared up at the ceiling as red and black spots danced before my eyes. I gently sat up and crawled to the bathroom. I wiped off the blood from my body. From my area to my neck I was cut and broken. I must've passed out. Next thing I know I was in clothes and in a hospital.
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*FLASHBACK ENDS*

I just stand there motionless as my wrist is in his grasp. He gently brought his hand to my cheek. I hyperventilated until I was stable enough to run back to my cabin. I slammed the door open.
I stormed to my room. I was aware of footsteps behind me. The lights dimmed as I ran to my room locking the door behind me. I quickly grabbed my duffle and grabbed my epilepsy meds out. I couldn't live like this.
I popped four into my palm. I stared at them for a moment. Nico popped in. He bent down to his knees. He stood back up and looked at me. "Raphael Everest Miranda. Don't you take those. I swear on the gods." My vision went blurry and I dropped the pills.
I fell to my knees. He came over and held me in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." He shushed me and rubbed my hair. "Calm down Raph. What do you need?" He asked. I picked my head up. "Time. Space, Time, and energy drinks." He smirked.
He lifted me into the bed. When we were at lunch someone had come and changed the sheets.
I laid down and stared at the ceiling. Nico kisses my forehead. "I took everything sharp out of this room. You try it again and I'm moving into this room," I slowly nod my head. "Do you want me to send Luke in?" I shook my head no.
I cuddled under the blankets until I slowly started to fall asleep. My dream was different this time. I was back in the weird ominous cave. An invisible force held me in the air.

Aren't you tired of being a pawn to the gods?"

Yes
"No. I don't even like you. Or anyone for that matter."

He laughed a deep dark laugh. One that reminded me of like a superhero off of like Batman or some shit.

"Meet my crew at Central Park in two days time. You show, congrats. You don't your the first to die."
I took a slow breathe. Fine. I will. I need something to do anyways.
I slowly woke up. It was nighttime. A pair of strong arms was wrapped around me. I tried to wiggle out of them. "Love. Just sleep." Luke grumbled. I turned to face him. He had tear stains below his eyes. "Why were you crying?" I asked him.
"Why Raphael? Why would you do that?" He asked hugging me tighter. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me love." I took a deep breathe. "Imagine someone you used to trust choking you and telling you that you don't deserve love or that you don't belong in this world. Someone you trusted with your life Luke. Imagine. Just imagine. It then goes on for days at a time. Like a week Luke. Imagine. Just do it" I felt anger building up inside me. No idea why.
"Ra-." "Dont. Just get out. Please. That's all I ask." His grip loosened as he got out of bed and put a hoodie on.
     He opened the door and slammed it behind him. I just stared off at the ground. Hazel knocked on the door and peeked her head in.
I smiled softly and she sat down next to me. "Want to talk?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders and picked at my nails.
I yawned and flopped back onto the pillow. She held my hand and kissed it. "I'm always here Raphael. Don't forget. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning. I'll send Will in at like... 10." She stood up and walked out.
I pulled the blankets up to my shoulders and started drifting off.