CheckMate (A Luke Castellan fan fic. OC CHARACTER)

Im Not Okay (I Promise)

       This chapter is brought to you by Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Our favorite ginger owned jokes shop.
      The song of the chapter is the title👆🏻
    I'm Not Okay (I Promise) by our beloved My Chemical Romance

                 We love you MCR!!!!

I woke up shaking and drenched in sweat, and of course at 2:30 in the morning. I could feel the bruises all over again, every point of the last day I was at my last foster home. I was on the verge of a panic attack, sobs already racking my body. I heard movement from over at Luke's desk and tried to quiet my sobs. Putting my hand over my mouth. Tears were pouring down my face, my body still shaking .
I heard footsteps coming over. Luke pulled the curtains back on the bed and his gaze softened. He crawled over and held me in front of him. "Shhh. It's okay. It's okay my Love." He gently stroked my hair as I regained control. "W-Why are you still up?" I said wiping my nose off on my sleeve. "I had to handle some last minute things. Like finishing packing and such. May I ask what caused this?" He rubbed my side with his thumb.

"I-I... It was the last memory I had before leaving. I can feel every punch and b-bruise. I can feel it all like it's never left. Like it'll always be apart of me." He shushed me and rubbed my head. "I know it's hard. But you're in a better place. He isn't anywhere near here. He never will be. I'm sorry I can't be here with you my Love. But I can't get out of this one." I nodded. "H-How long are you gonna be away." I prepared myself for the worse. I closed my eyes. I heard him gulp. "A month." I closed my eyes and cried harder.

I couldn't do an entire month without him. I couldn't. "Rapha it's okay." I shook my head. "It's not Luke. It's too much. I c-c-can't." He pulled me into his lap and held my crying body. Luke laid us back against the wall. "I'm here Raphael. I'm here- and I will be for the next ten hours. Just don't cry please. Cause then I'm going to cry and we're going to be crying messes." I giggled slightly. "Y-You should get some sleep Baby. I'm going to get a shower okay?" He nodded.
     After my shower and getting dressed silently. Luke was already in bed sleeping. I just sat down at his desk and stared into the room thinking. What if this "mission" goes wrong and he dies? What if he says he doesn't love me after he leaves? What if this is all some big twisted joke? What if I can't boss these people around? What if Jonah gets back and takes me? What if? What if? What if? I couldn't take it anymore. All of the thoughts rushed into my head.
         What would happen if I end it all right now? What would happen if I slit my wrists and bled right her at this desk? What if I walked up to the roof and jumped? What if I just didn't breathe? What if I never existed? I didn't realize I was that deep in thought until Luke hit his arm off the bed post. I jumped out of the chair and breathed heavily. I checked my phone. God I was sitting there and thinking for two and a half hours?!
    I calmed my racing heart and walked to the right side of the bed and laid down. Luke places his arms around me. I took slow deep breaths. At one point I stopped breathing in general. My eyes faded shut, embracing the cool darkness.
                   _________________

    "Raphael!! Come on Raphael wake up!!!" My eyes shot open. He took a deep breathe. "Love you weren't breathing." I took deep breathes getting oxygen into my system. "Why weren't you breathing? Love you can tell me anything." Anything but this. "I-I dunno. Wait w-what time is i-it?" I sat up not caring about the breathing thing for a moment. "Around 5. Why?" I tackled him in a hug. "Cause I wanna spend every second with you. What all do you have to do before y-you leave?" He groaned from the sudden weight on top of his chest.
"Well I have a meeting- to address the situation. How you're going to fill in. Damien and Jordan will be there to help you along the way. But.... the meeting is gonna have the entire population of the building." I took a deep breathe. I didn't realize I started shaking. He held me tighter than before. "It's okay. I'll tell them to space out, so they don't crowd you. Okay?" I nodded. "Do you wanna go get breakfast?" I nodded. I unlatched myself from him. "Let me get some socks hold on." I heard Luke about to protest. "Love do-." My breathe caught in my throat.