A little bit of love (boy x boy)

Chap 37. My brother

  Apparently, Lucas does not need to give Mrs. Ward a recap of his childhood, she practically knows it all. 

  ' Luke told me. It was about a week or two ago. He went to see me after class and just hand in the papers. ' She recalls the memory. 

  ' Why did he? It's not due until the end of the year. ' Mrs. Ward smile sadden. ' He told me that....just in case he can't give it to you personally, I would be able to. ' 

  ' Just in case? Did he know that this will happen? ' Lucas frowns. 

  ' Oh no. You can never know the future. He just had a feeling in the gut that something bad is going to happen. And it did. ' She confirms. 

  Lucas kept quite, not sure on how to reply. 

  ' What are your thoughts after reading his letters? ' She swiftly changes the subject, bringing them directly into the main point. 

  Lucas thought and spoke out the words unsurely. ' I don't know. What am I suppose to feel? ' She has a question look on her face. ' You don't know your own feelings? ' 

  ' No. It's just..... I don't know how I should face him anymore! ' Lucas suddenly shouts out and lower his head, he doesn't want to see the look on Mrs. Ward's face, no doubt she's mad. 

  ' Tell me what you think of him after reading it. Are you mad at him? Are you blaming him for the beatings you've taken? ' Mrs. Ward isn't angry. She's concern. Lucas emotions are unstable and he has no idea how to even dealt with them, causing him to have sudden outburst. 

  ' I'm definitely mad at him for abusing me! Who wouldn't!? ' Lucas blames. 

  The teacher silently observes Lucas. ' But sometimes.... I blame myself. ' It was not louder than a whisper, almost inaudible. 

  ' If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been abused my that man. If I didn't told him that I wanted a happy family when we were kids..... he wouldn't have the need to protect me from dad's drinking. ' He curl himself up more, cowering in a corner. 

  ' He chose the path. ' Fact.  

  ' He doesn't need to in the first place. ' Lucas spats out. 

  ' He loves you. ' 

  Silence. 

   ' He just showed it in the wrong way. ' Mrs. Ward says. 

  ' Do you? Do you love him? ' Their conversation is like turning into couple with relationship problems. Awkward. 

  ' I don't know. ' 

  ' You know Lucas, love makes people go crazy. They do unthinkable things that drives them nuts. Loving someone can hurt. A lot. Love doesn't just mean a dating relationship, no it does not. It can be a family love. A love between students and teachers. Or to an animal. It's endless. ' 

  ' Now I don't know about the letter. But from what he told me, he is one of the crazy people. Don't tell him that of course. ' She winks at the last part, causing a half smile to appear on Lucas's face. 

  ' He said he doesn't want you to feel any more family pain. He'll take all of it. Yet instead, it resulted for you to hate him. If he didn't abuse you, you'll hate your dad for drinking. If he abuse you like what he chose too, you'll hate him. ' 

  Lucas was dumbfounded. 

  ' The conclusion for these two is..... he'll rather you have a parent than a brother. ' Mrs. Ward says. 

  Lucas let that sink in but still he has no idea what it has to do with love. 

  ' He told me how sad he was whenever you ignore him or both of you pretend that each other doesn't exist. He loathed himself for doing this to you. ' 

  ' But I'm sure, it was a tough decision to make. He cares enough to even remember that you want a happy family. He cares enough to take the blame. He cares enough to shield the pain. ' 

  ' Like you said, he wouldn't need to protect you from the truth of your dad drinking in the first place. Why should he? He can just tell you and watch you sink into depression at such a young age right? Why didn't he? ' 

  Lucas couldn't make a sound. Why didn't Luke? Why did he chose this path? 

  ' He's more mature than you at that age. He knows as young kids, you couldn't be able to understand such a horrible news, not after the death of your mother. May she rest in peace. '

  Pieces of memories start coming back to Lucas. The old days when they were always fighting with each other and their parents had to tear them apart. The days when Lucas always steals Luke's toys but the older doesn't seem to care, letting him take it. 

  Everything is piecing together. 

  ' However, I believe that he chose a slightly wrong path along the way. ' Lucas looks up at her. 'What's wrong? ' 

  ' He shouldn't have protected you. ' That hit Lucas right in the heart. 

  ' Maybe at the age when you're older, probably around fifteen or sixteen, he should have already told you and also called the police. ' She nods. 

  ' If he is too afraid to call then then let's put that aside first. But I think he should have told you. You're already thinking around that age. You know the rights and wrongs, how to differentiate between good or bad. Still! He did not say anything. ' 

  ' If he did, you won't have to feel like your brother hate you and likes to put his anger on you. You'll feel relieve that you had such a brother. A great person who loves you so much that he endured the years of pain, just to keep you from knowing at a young and immature age. ' 

  Lucas still kept his mouth shut but inside his is flaring with question. Is that true? Can that really happen? 

  ' Luke kept the secret way too long. It was long enough for him to start to feel hurt and couldn't control his feelings. Yes, he told me about how he thinks that he's starting to really abuse you. Not protect. ' 

  She pauses, letting Lucas process everything. 

  ' So what are you going to do now? They say there are three solutions to every relationship. Either you ignore it, continue living like nothing's happened. Maybe accept it but do nothing. Or you could face it and face him. ' 

  ' But of course, there's no facing without accepting. And even if you did faced it, there's no guarantee that you'll solve it. It's completely your choice. ' 

  Lucas stares the letters on the coffee table. Wanting to reach out for it but still afraid. 

  Luckily, Mrs. Ward help him. She reach towards the table and took the papers gently. Holding them in her hands, she stares at it with a sad smile then passing it onto Lucas. 

  ' You can't change the past, Lucas. So why not make your future brighter? I know it's a common thing to say but turns out, it is true. '

  ' Loving can heal. It's time to prove Ed Sheeran right. '  

 Lucas held the papers close, pressing it on his chest, closes his eyes and let the tears stream down freely. 

  The teacher's mouth was still moving but all the sound of was shut away from Lucas. It was only him in his own little world. 

  With only one solution in his head. 

  He loves me.But he wasn't the best at showing. Although the chose the wrong path. But he's my brother. 

  And...... I love him. 

  Hi readers. Yep, this is going to be a short chapter cause I just wanna share with you guys about the talk and the solution Lucas had made. Hopefully my explanation is alright and that'll all of you can understand it. 

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