Forming Trust- An Ela X Reader Fanfiction

Crutch

"Even if things are painful and tough, people should appreciate what it means to be alive."

~Yato, Noragami

July 10th, 2022

1133

Five days. That's how long it took. Five days where I couldn't see her eyes or hear her voice. It was hell. Five days where I was left with nothing but my broken thoughts and injuries. I wanted to die. I was alone, and it felt like Timur's ghost was haunting me.

He could've been standing there next to me had I just been more careful.

I tried to cry, to protect myself, but nothing came out. I just couldn't. Everything felt still and empty, and the only color I could see was grey. Without Ela, and without my best friend, the world seemed empty. It was terrible.

I spent days in silence, lost in thoughts of nothing and everything, just waiting to hear her angelic voice, something to save me from my hopelessness.

"Y...Y/n."

Ela had opened her eyes and sat up in bed weakly.

I immediately pulled her close, tucking my hands behind her back and pulling her to my chest.

Neither of us said anything, but we held each other in an embrace. Before long I started crying, tears flowing like a waterfall as I sobbed into her chest.

"He... he's dead."

Ela gently rubbed my back and held me close as my tears stained her hospital gown.

"Shhhh... It's gonna be alright babe. It's gonna be alright."

I tried to tell her it wasn't, but I couldn't do anything but sob and rock in her arms. It was horrible. My angel had finally woken up, but I almost felt worse than before. I wanted to curl up and cry into a ball, hiding myself from the world. Her scars reminded me of yet another failure of mine, another person I had permanently scarred. I was a medic. I was supposed to save people. I had two of my soldiers horribly wounded and one killed. I was a failure.

Ela whispered to me, "It'll be ok, It'll be ok, I'm here..." over and over. I thought her words would make some of the pain go away, but they didn't. I had never felt more alone, even though I had the woman I loved right next to me.

"It... it's not ok. He's gone because of me, and... and you're all scarred, because I failed."

Ela suddenly pulled away from me. Her face seemed stern, not nearly as soft as it had been just minutes ago when she had woken up.

"Y/n. Y/n Maddox. Look. Look at me."

Her voice was stern, but it wasn't angry. It wasn't devoid of feelings, but it was far from happy.

I looked up, tears dribbling down my face like raindrops.

"It is not your fault. You are not responsible for what happened."

She was wrong. It was my fault that Timur died and she got hurt.

"..."

......We stood in silence, the only noise that could be heard the sniffling of my nose.

Ela pulled me tight again.

"I want you to know that I will be here forever. I will hold you and you can cry as much as you want, I will stay by you and hug you tight. You just need to realize that it isn't your fault. You couldn't have stopped what happened,"

My tears returned, yet again running down Ela's gown. She took a long pause,

"and I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you."