The Bucket List (Write Affair Finalist)

Chapter 50: Say goodbye.

 ~ Chapter 50: Say goodbye. ~

(A/N: On the side is the version of I'm Gonna Love You Through It by Amber Carrington that I listened to while writing this, among other songs like All I Want by Kodaline (Go to song for the last chapters) and Give Me Love by Ed Sheeran. Other songs to listen to while reading this chapter: Fix You by Coldplay and I Lived by OneRepublic. And again, please read the A/N at the end of the epilogue!!!)

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        Another month passed. I was grateful for every second I got to spend with Damon, even if it was in a hospital room because I knew that it would all end so soon now and that was the scariest thought to ever have so I pushed it away every time. Some days were good, we would watch a movie or a TV show and laugh together, or even dance in the room on the best days, but others were terrible. Sometimes, Damon would be in pain for a whole day, and not the kind of pain that’s ok to deal with like stepping on a lego or bite the inside of your cheek, no this pain it was… awful. He would chase us away and I would wait in the hall even though I knew it wouldn’t pass and I would have to go without even saying goodbye. I would hear him cry or scream and it would break my heart in a thousand pieces because there was nothing I could do. The doctors and nurses tried giving him morphine and other stuff but the pain was inside his brain so it was pretty much worthless. It would work one or two times though so it was better than nothing.

Every time it happened, every time he had one of his ‘crisis’, I would freak out so much I would cry. I always feared it meant the end of everything, the end of him forever and this was not something enjoyable to think about, to say the least. And then I would come back the next day and find him completely fine as if nothing had happened, and no need to say it was messing with my head.

Damon had had Katie on the phone. He hadn’t talked to her in a very long time but he felt he needed to because they had been together for a year after all and she deserved to know about him. So they talked and said their goodbyes. She wasn’t mad at all, about him being with me, she said she was happy he got to tell me he loved me before it was too late, and I couldn’t have agreed more.

This Tuesday, I woke up to the pouring rain. It was stupid and I knew it but every time it was raining, I would get worried that Damon had died. It must have been because of the movies: every time someone passes away or has a funeral, it rains. I quickly got dressed, put a little makeup on and rushed to the hospital, like every morning. I was allowed to stay the night only one time a week thanks to Anita.

I arrived at nine and saw that Damon’s parents weren’t here yet. They visited four times a week or so and usually stayed all day. Jenny and Seth came by often too, but mostly on the weekends because they had lives to get back to like college for my best friend and his band for my brother. They had actually gotten a few small gigs to play around town but I hadn’t been able to go see them play so far. A week ago, Damon had insisted for me to fill out the application forms for colleges, even though I still didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I had done it because, well, how can you resist Damon, seriously.

He was doing everything to make sure I would get back to my old life and I tried to pretend the best I could like I would but I knew it wasn’t going to happen that easily. I would need time. A lot of time to grieve.

“What are you thinking about?” Damon asked, taking me away from my thoughts.

This was one of the good days. He was smiling, looked perfectly fine and hot as hell, and could probably dance if we wanted to.