The Bucket List (Write Affair Finalist)

Chapter 44: Getting worse.

~ Chapter 44: Getting worse. ~

        A week later, Damon started getting sicker and sicker every day. It wasn’t just his terrible headaches, he would stay locked in the bathroom to puke and then he would feel so bad he would scream. He still was acting stubbornly and was refusing that I stayed to see him in pain. He was so sick he had forgotten abut my whole day of saying ‘yes’ and we had decided to report it to one when he wouldn’t be feeling like hell anymore.

One final afternoon, when I decided I couldn’t bear seeing him in so much pain anymore, I drove him forcefully to the hospital, even though he had tried to convince me he was okay and that it would go away eventually. I drove him anyway. I knew he was going to die soon but he still had a few months left and I intended for him to live through them. Besides, we hadn’t checked everything off of his bucket list yet.

Right after he had checked on Damon and ran some tests on him, his doctor, Jorge Suarez, had come to see me in the waiting room I knew by heart now, which was a very sad observation.  He had a serious look on his face and his brows were creased on a frown. I immediately got scared but he reassured me right away.

“Damon’s ok for now.”

It’s only when I exhaled that I realized I had been holding my breath. I hated the “for now”. I wanted him to be ok for a long time, not just “for now”.

“Thank god.” I said, even though I highly doubted God had anything to do with Damon getting to live a few more days. When he should have gotten a million more.

“You made the right call by taking him to the hospital. There was a liquid forming in his lungs that would have stopped him from breathing if you had waited longer and his brain would have snapped for good.”

Oh God, it sounded so bad. And the worst part was knowing that it would actually happen soon. My heart was sinking in my chest at that thought already.

“Does he feel better now?” I inquired, in a desperate need for good news.

“Well, as good as he can, considering his terminal disease and the damage in his muscles and brain.”

Why was he such a downer? Granted, he was supposed to deliver the truth to us about the state of his patients, however sad it may be but still, he made me want to cry.

“Can I go see him? Please?”

“Sure. But he’s probably sleeping, he’s sore from the surgery.”

“Ok.”

It didn’t really matter if he wasn’t awake yet, I just wanted to hold his hand and make sure he knew I was there for him. Doctor Suarez escorted me through the hallways of the hospital and the realization that I would have to walk through those same corridors when Damon would be… dying hit me hard and I focused on the positive parts of things, which was that he wasn’t gone yet and we still had more days to spend together.

The doctor opened the door of the room 347 and gave me a compassionate look before I stepped inside. It smelled awfully like hospitals, the walls were painted in some kind of depressing eggshell color with just one painting with a boat on the wall opposite the bed. I cringed at the view of all the tubes Damon was branched to. Some fluid was drained out of his body into a plastic bag hanging at the side of the bed.

Damon was sleeping, his chest lifting a little at every breath he took. I grabbed the only chair in the room and positioned it just next to the bed. I sat and took Damon’s hand. It was cold and an IV was branched to it but it was still his hand, the same hand I had held so many times.

“Hey.” I said in a breath, trying to hold my tears. “I’m here.”

On second thought, I got up from the chair and kicked off my shoes before lying in the hospital bed right next to Damon, careful not to move the tubes of anything that was linked to any part of his body. I lay my head on the part of his chest that didn’t have anything plugged to it. His calming and even breaths were relaxing and reassuring.

“I wish I could take some of your pain to try and make you feel a little bit better. I wish you didn’t have to die in just a few months.” I whispered. “I’m here for you and I’ll be here for as long as you may breath.”

He was still sleeping. Good thing because I didn’t want him to wake up right now. I knew it didn’t hurt as much when he was sleeping, although he would wake up screaming from pain some nights.

“I love you.” I sighted a little and kissed him on the cheek before getting out of the bed with precaution. “I’ll be back soon. I’ll be there when you wake up but I’ll let you sleep in peace for now while I go take a shower.”

I went out of the room and drove home repeating the same mantra over and over in my head and concentrating only on it. Do not cry now. Do not cry now. I parked the car, turned the key inside the doorknob to get inside my house just like a robot, walked over to my bedroom, fell on my bed and finally gave way to my tears, burning in my eyes. I cried and cried for what seemed like hours and I hated myself for crying like this when I should have gone back to the hospital to be at Damon’s side but it was just so hard. So damn freaking hard to see him in pain, in a hospital bed, having just a few more months to live.

I hit pillows, screamed in others and smeared my makeup all over them but didn’t give less of a care, then went inside the shower to let the water cool me down a little bit. I didn’t even know if it were tears or water coming down on my face anymore and it didn’t matter, I just wanted to forget about everything, to go back to an awesome day when Damon hadn’t been in pain, but I couldn’t, obviously, so instead I changed rapidly in jeans and a shirt and went back to the hospital.

(A/N: I'm sorry guys, this is a short and sad chapter :S Please don't hate me! ;) )