The Bucket List (Write Affair Finalist)

Chapter 51: I wish there was a happy ending for me too.

~ Chapter 51: I wish there was a happy ending for me too. ~

(A/N: So... This is the last chapter before the epilogue and I have nothing more to say than read the A/N at the end of the epilogue.

Songs : All I Want - Kodaline (you can find it on the side because if I could pick just one song for the whole sad parts and especially this chapter, then it would be this one and it was on repeat with High Hopes when I was writing this last chapter)

Salvation - Gabrielle Aplin

High Hopes - Kodaline

Angel - cover by Sarah Simmons and the other cover by Jacquie Lee

Safe and Sound - cover by Savannah Berry)

*

Everyone dies eventually. It's the natural part of life. You try to be the best person you can while you're alive but you end up dead like everyone else. Yeah... Everyone dies eventually.

But it doesn't make it less hard. You don't want to believe that it's actually happening, that you've reached the deadline. That everything is over. You'll never be able to kiss you're girlfriend/boyfriend again, to eat chocolate, to go swim in the sea, to dance at a concert, or to listen to music in the shower while singing... You're dead.

Some people believe in reincarnation, others that only your body is dead, not your soul. I don't know what to believe, I just know that everyone dies and that having someone you love do is the most painful thing to go through.

The clock ticked eight pm and I held my breath. I felt like my body was in the room but my brain wasn't. Damon was being kept alive by a sort of machine. I felt like I was in a scene in Grey's Anatomy, when the family is waiting by the patient's side while the cool doctors are telling them what's happening. But I couldn't focus on their words. I couldn't hear anything. The only thing I was able to think about was "it's over". On repeat in my head. Damon's family were crying by his side and it felt like I was in another world, just stuck with the thought "it's over".

I tried not to think about the horrible parts of Damon's death, like his heart beating for the very last time, his lungs filling with their very last breath, his bones turning to dust. I wanted my brain to stop thinking. It was on overload. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't control anything. Not the tears rolling down my cheeks or my falling on the ground helplessly, trying to catch my breath but not managing to do it, too struck by reality.

Everything was over. The world could have ended right now and I couldn't possibly care less. I just wanted to fall asleep forever, to try to forget, to try to think about something else. But Damon was right in front of me, lifeless, just lying there. Then the doctors made his bed roll out in the cries of his parents. They had to move fast to get the organs, or this would have all been for nothing.

Jenny took me in her arms but I couldn't feel anything anymore, I was like a living zombie, crying without even realizing it. My feet were moving without me even realizing it either.

I went to look at the window and was struck by the view of everyone just living their normal every-day life. For them, it was just a normal day, one like another without any particular change. Maybe they would allow themselves a pizza tonight, and maybe their partners would finally tell them they loved them. But that was probably how far it would go. There wouldn't be any great homage with a big picture of Damon smiling happily airing on the Emmy awards or whatever other big TV event. There wouldn't be any article about his death, his legacy, what he did during the little time he had in his life.