idk if i can call this poetry

10:53pm** (marking this one cuz ima read it again when im sad)

i just realized something deep at a really strange moment.

my cousins and i are eating ramen noodles
and one of them pours sprite and green iced tea into her bowl.
she mixes it around, and approaches me.
she asks me if i want hers, cuz she is no longer hungry.
i was not aware of the changes she made, so i accepted.

i take a bite and immediately fight the urge to vomit.

i try to swallow it and my body physically will not let me.

after several failed attempts at keeping it in my mouth,
tears are rolling down my face from disgust and laughter.

my face is red and i run to the garbage can.

when i am finished spitting out this nasty green-tea ramen hell,

i wipe my mouth and stumble back into the living room,
still dying of laughter as well as everyone else,
and my mom angrily asks what the fuck is going on.

as my cousin explains it to her through laughing fits,
i realize something.

these are the moments i live for.

this moment, right here,

with nasty ass ramen,

and laughing until you cry,

and your stomach muscles cramping up and you can barely breathe and your face is cherry red while giggles escape your lips through gasps,

this is the moment that i realized something that im ashamed to say that it took me so long to realize.

i realize that im gonna be okay.

someday, or even in fleeting moments like this

but i just gotta keep living for these moments

these moments

where i feel like

i was born to live.

where i feel like

i am where i am supposed to be.

where i feel like

everything is gonna be okay.

where i feel like

i am home, no matter where i end up.

where i feel like

i am unapologetic about existing, and living,
and taking up space,
where i realize that im so lucky to have this life
and to be blessed with my music
and to be so goddamn loved, even at my worst,
even when i feel like i dont deserve to be alive,
i am so loved by so many wonderful people.

my parents,
my siblings,
my aunts and uncles,
my cousins,
my friends,
my best friend,
and you.

if i can still laugh and live and fight and be

after everything i have done and everything i have gone through

after almost giving up too many times,

after all of this time still having so many people who love me,

no matter how bad i mess up,

if i still have people who would give everything and a bad bowl of ramen just to make me laugh,

then how bad can this life really be?