i want to go to bed
im so tired
but my body wont let me
because im afraid.
last time i shut my eyes,
i saw you.
and you did something to me.
maybe it was because i was thinking about that thing that happened when i was younger with my first boyfriend,
but you did some scary things.
im afraid to close my eyes
because i dont want to see that again.
i dont want to see you in my dreams anymore.
i dont want to.
please.
stop.
all you do is make me afraid of going to sleep, or afraid of waking up.
either you hurt me while im asleep and its a relief to wake up,
or its a relief to be asleep and an inconvenience to wake up,
so just please stay out of my head while im asleep.
actually, i take it back.
its worth it to see you and hold you while im asleep.
its torture, but i dont care.
if dreams is where i have to go to see you,
then thats fine.
ill live with that for now.
its worth that moment in the morning that i want to curl up and cry.
as long as i can see you somehow
even if it isnt real.
just please try to be nice to me.
i know i dont deserve it.
but please.
have mercy.
my hands and nails look like they have been run along a cheese grater. gotta ask my therapist how to stop doing that.
YOU ARE READING
idk if i can call this poetry
Poetrybook 2 this started out as just writing down my thoughts. poems, quotes and other random stuff. thats what this was supposed to be. instead, it had become a diary. a journal, almost. this is long lost lovers. this is heartbreak. this is one s...
