Gay For You (Seungjin/Hyunmin)

16 - Reaction

After I said everything I wanted to say, I finally close my mouth letting my best friends have their reactions. Jeongin places his hand next to his mouth, showing a bit of surprise. My other two best friends seem to be trying to think about what I just say and what to tell me now.

Okay, so now you all must be very confused (or not). I know that Hyunjin and I promised to each other that we would forget about what happened. And I will.. But not before I tell my best friends about it.

I need to talk to someone about this, I couldn't even sleep all night because of what happened and this is making me so nervous. I don't know how to forget about what happened. I really need someone to understand me right now. And they are my best friends, who wouldn't understand me better than they do?

"How much longer will you keep doing this?" Jeongin's question brings me back to reality. "Everyone already knows the truth"

"What are you talking about?" I ask him really confused. "I'm not doing anything"

"If not doing anything means 'pretending that you're straight even though you already know that you're not' then you're not really doing anything" Jeongin says, for the first time with a serious expression on his face making me realize that he's not joking about it.

"I really like you, Seungmin" Chan starts saying to soften whatever he's going to say next. "But Jeongin is right, you're trying to hide something from us, from him, from you. Just tell us what you're feeling right now, Seungmin. We're your friends and we're just trying to help you, but first we need to know what's happening"

"What you said right now" Jisung turns to Chan getting up and we put our attention on him. "I could use it in a song"

"Sit down" Chan says to Jisung. "We're having a serious conversation now, it's not a good time for this"

"I'm not in love with Hyunjin" I say, making the three of them look again at me. "And I still don't get why you're so obsessed about it"

"What makes you think that you love someone?" Chan asks me, leaving me with my thoughts again. What makes me think that I love someone? I don't know, I just feel it. "And don't talk about genders, please, it doesn't matter if Hyunjin is a boy, a girl or another gender. Let's talk about feelings"

But what do I feel? How did I knew that I loved Yeji? How do you know if I still love her? She made me really happy when we were together. I don't know, I just felt something really different when I was with her. Something that I don't feel anymore if we think about it. Something that I stopped feeling about her when I met Hyunjin. Hyunjin is the one that makes me feel this way now.

"I don't know how to say this" I explain to them. "I've never loved a boy before, I can't say if it is really love or just a confusion"

"A confusion?" Chan asks me looking as confused as I am. "So you're confused because he's a boy, but you already know your feelings about him, am I right?"

"I guess" I say, trying to gain courage to say more. "What I feel about Hyunjin it's different from what I feel about you or any boy I met, but I'm confused because I've felt something similar about Yeji and you as you know I had a crush on her"

"Seungmin is gay" Jisung screams after my rant. "I've got to be honest, Seungmin. I've already thought that you would look cute together, but it's a surprise for me that it's really since you've always told me that you're straight"

"Don't think too much about it, Seungmin" Chan says. "You already know the answer and you shouldn't waste time now"

"But what if he.." I can't finish my question, being interrupted by Jeongin.

"If you say that you don't know if he likes you back, I swear that I'll kill here and now" He says, getting up off my the couch, faster than ever.

"What if I misunderstood everything just like he did?" I ask my friends, making all of the three facepalm themselves.

"I don't think you did" Jisung says. "Actually, I'm sure you didn't"

I'm taken back to my thoughts. Jisung is kinda right. He has a reason to think this way, doesn't he? In fact, it was Hyunjin who asked me to kiss him and that's a sign that maybe he is interested in me. Why would he ask something like that if he wasn't?

"You're right" I say and my three friends start applauding as if it is a big moment. And it is a big moment at least for me.

"Give me your phone, Seungmin" Jeongin says and I obey him, giving him my phone. He turns it on and clicks on my Contacts app, trying to find Hyunjin's contact. When he finds it, he clicks on it giving me my phone back. "You know what you should too, so just do it"

I look at my phone, which's is turned on and it has Hyunjin's contact on the screen. I sigh. Should I really do it? Isn't it wrong? Whatever. We need to risk sometimes and this is one of those times. I can do it.

I start typing something on the keyboard, noticing that the text I'm sending to him is getting big. I finish my text getting ready to send it, but I end up deleting it. My three best friends look at me, they don't seem to understand why suddenly I changed my mind. Wasn't I so sure of what I was going to do?

"I can't do it" I say putting my phone on the couch, from where I suddenly get up. It seems like my best friends are still as confused as before. Can you blame them? It seemed like the right thing to do and like I said, I was already ready to send it.

But like I said before, sometimes we need to risk...