Gay For You (Seungjin/Hyunmin)

19 - Roses

Hyunjin looks so calm while watching things around us. It's a silence between us and we can only hear the kids playing in the garden and our own teeth chewing on the food we're eating, which by the way was made by me and mom. Jinnie is so focused on what's happening around us and I'm just focused on him, thinking about him and how I'm falling in love with him.

I feel a little smile appearing in my face, but unfortunately he doesn't see it because he's not even looking at me. I wish he was looking at me. He looks so good today and he doesn't even need to try.

I put the rest of my sandwich in my mouth, chewing it well before I swallow it. I let my whole body fall back laying on the towel that Hyunjin and I put on the floor. My attempt of not making noise doesn't go that well, which made Jinnie hear it and finally look at me with a smirk on his face. He puts his eyes on mine, not looking away. I couldn't take my eyes off him, it felt like nothing in the world mattered now, only us. And it isn't a bad feeling, it's actually one of the best I've ever had, if not the best.

Jinnie finally lays back next to me, turning to me so I do the same as him. Maybe it is not the most comfortable position to be laying, but does that really matter when someone that you like is next to you? I just want to look at Jinnie right now.

"Thank you for bringing me here" Jinnie thanks me with a smile on his face. "It was a great idea to have a picnic here. I love this place and the sandwich was so good"

"I knew you would love it" I say returning another sincere smile, having that feeling I've had for days, more butterflies in my stomach. It is a great and funny, but new feeling and that's why I'm so happy but scared at the same time. I am afraid of getting so attached to Jinnie and suddenly I can lose him. I am scared of my insecurity and how it can be right. What if I'm not good enough to Hyunjin? Does he deserve better than me?

I try to not concentrate in my insecurities right now. Hyunjin is here, right next to me and there's nothing for me to worry. He even confessed to me and said that he is in love with me so why am I so scared of losing him?

"Should we kiss?" Hyunjin asks me out of nowhere making my face turn into a tomato in a matter of seconds. He laughs at my state and I hit him in the shoulders, not really using my strenght. "They do it in movies. That's why I was asking" I let out a laugh at the same time.

"In movies everything seems so perfect" I say, catching is attention and he nods his head agreeing with me. "They make life look so easy and perfect. They make love look like a simple thing, but I guess it's the opposite. Love is the most complicated thing in the world, it's a complex feeling and you need some time to understand it, but even when you think you do, you don't. Love is the most beautiful feeling in this world, but it can also be the most painful thing in this world. Just like a rose. I love roses, it is probably my most favorite flower in the world. It's really beautiful and many people like to take pictures of it. But they can also hurt you if you touch their thorns. I love roses and I have some in my house, but I'm afraid to touch them and get hurt. What if love hurts me too?"

"Love really hurts" Hyunjin answers me with the most honest face in the world. His hands touch mine, holding them. I look at him knowing that he's going to say more than just that. "But doesn't it worth it? When I was a kid, I used to play football with my neighbors. Sometimes I fell on the ground while I was trying to catch the ball and I got hurt. But I always got up and keep playing because in the end, it was a fun thing to do and sometimes falling worths it. It's not always a waste of time. If it was a waste of time, I wouldn't be here with you right now. Loving you is worth it so much"

My mouth opens while I hear Hyunjin's explanation. My face is now full of tears, falling from my eyes, but running all over it. I can't help but getting closer to Jinnie holding him in a hug. My head is resting in Jinnie's chest and I can hear his heart beating in a faster way than the usual.

"Am I good enough for you?" I finally ask him, not afraid anymore. I just need to know the answer. I just need to know if my insecurities are right or if Hyunjin really loves me. I need to know if I deserve to be with him.

Jinnie makes a questioning face, while he's trying to process my small but at the same time big question.

"You're more than enough for me, Minnie" He finally says making me sigh of relief. "Did I ever do something that made you think that you aren't? Or did someone tell you that? You're the most incredible person in this world and I'm so happy to share most of my moments with you. You shouldn't doubt about my feelings for you. I love you so much, Minnie. You are the most important thing in my life and I know that we haven't be friends for that long, but I don't think I could be without you anymore"

My head, which was positioned in Jinnie's chest for this whole time, goes up to the level of his head. The distance between our heads is a few centimeters and I can hear Jinnie's breath more than anything in this world. His mouth opens in a beautiful and countagious smile, which makes me do the same.

"I can't be without you either" I confess, making Jinnie's smile turn into a bigger smile if that is even possible at this point. "I'm falling for you and that's something I've never thought I would. You're so amazing and I love spending time with you. It doesn't matter if we are in a beautiful garden or in a supermarket next to my house. You're my favorite company and I can't even explain how good you make me feel. I want to be forever. It doesn't matter where, but I just want it to last forever"

Before Hyunjin says something about my little confession, my head gets closer to his and I close my eyes letting my lips touch his cheek, placing a lasting kiss on it. The distance between Jinnie and I gets bigger again when my lips move away from his lips. I look at Jinnie's mouth which is pouting right now and laugh.

"That's not funny!" He exclaims before pointing to his lips. "You should have kissed me here"

"I will" I promise looking down at his hands and holding one of them with mine. "I promise that I will kiss you, but I want it to be in a special day. You'll know when that day comes"

Jinnie just nods with his head, agreeing with my decision. I know that it sounds a bit stupid for some people, but I just want it to be perfect and in the right time for the two of us. And we're almost there, but it's still not today.