Save Me a Spark | Reader x Ben Solo / Kylo Ren

Ch 5. | Most Days

Most days I wish I'd never met you cause then I could sleep at night. I didn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there was someone like you out there. I didn't have to watch you throw it all away.

Gus Van San

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When Obi-Wan described Tatooine as a desert planet, you imagined the Mojave desert. Vast, flat, dry, land without a tree or water in sight. The hard dirt would crack and fracture under you feet with every step you took due to the lack of moisture in the ground and in the air. The sun would bear down on you and vultures would circle anything that succumbed to the heat.

Tatooine was not like that at all. Tatooine was like the Sahara. Dunes of sand in every direction you look and hot. So incredibly hot. Why does a planet even need two suns?

You aren't exactly in a great mood after what happened with Ben. Even though you're grateful Chewie woke you up when he did, part of you wants to snap at him when he gently shakes you to let you know you've arrived at your destination. It isn't his fault the man you have weird feelings for is a complete and total douche bag with the emotional range of a teaspoon.

The only good thing that comes out of your interaction with Ben is the new additions to your growing book collection. The books you almost broke some bones for, as well as Ben's book, are with you when you wake up, thankfully.  You mentally add "how the hell did that work?" to the ever growing list of questions you wanted answers to eventually.

If only Obi-Wan knew the Nightmare on Elm Street marathons he used to nag you about have paid off. If you hadn't watched Freddy Kreuger get dragged from his dream world to the real world you would have never thought to try that for yourself. You're happy it worked and you hoped that small victory would help lessen your annoyance over what happened with Ben, but it didn't.

Why do you like him? You've been asking yourself that since the moment you opened your eyes. He's gorgeous so there's that, but aside from that he's literally and metaphorically been nothing but a huge pain in your ass. He's even tried to Force choke you twice and succeeded once. You watched him kill his father and almost kill your friend. He flies off the handle at the drop of a hat and he's literally trying to be the bad guy in this story. Who wants to be seen as a monster? Crazy people that's who.

So why the hell do you want to be around him? Not knowing the answer to that question bothers you almost as much as not knowing why you're here to begin with.

You guys have a connection, yes. Physical attraction is very clearly there and mutually felt. But you've been attracted to other guys before. The guys you like are usually close to your age, they don't have magic powers, they don't stab people with a huge laser sword, they don't have a temper that rivals the Hulk, and they most definitely don't kill their father. So again, you ask yourself, why the hell do you want to be around him?

Is it the mutual loneliness you both feel and how much the two of you can relate to one another even though your backgrounds are vastly different when compared side by side.

Is the connection you have with him, that pull you felt immediately, is that the reason you two keep ending up at the bookstore together when you fall asleep? Is it the Force that's pushing you together or something else?

Leia mentioned the Force being this all encompassing thing. The Force flows through everything and is responsible for everything. "The Force moves in mysterious ways" is a saying here because it's almost like their version of God in a way.

If you're drawn to Ben, if you feel a connection to him, it's for a reason. You can't quite figure out what that reason is but damn are you irritated. You don't want to be around him and you definitely don't want to want to be around him, but you do.