Jar of Emotions

Injured Head

Sometimes all I can think is
cuts and bruises.
knives and blades,
blood gushing that
messes white sheets and floor boards.
telling to myself
that i'm not doing this
to kill myself,
that I'm only doing this
to feel the pain.
to know that
i'm alive.
and wanting to see my blood.

i feel at ease,
as it stucks on
my skin.
deeper and deeper.
smiling thinking,
i can feel the pain,
the more blood
the better...

Then there's another story that sometimes fear crepts in me.
the way I see that people
cannot see.
It makes me insane.
but then there are days
that you want to talk it all out,
but hesitating.
with a thought, they force you to
shut down, then judge you
for not opening up.

here's to my suicidal crazy head case