DWS I: The Lady

27

If I reach the hand of the darkness that awaits me, will that mean that I will be finally at peace?

Kapag ba binitiwan ko ang laban ng buhay at hayaang sumama sa kadiliman, matatahimik na ba ako?

Hindi ko alam...

Hindi ko na talaga alam kung tama pa ba ang lahat. I am driven by my purpose to live my life to its fullest, just like what Mom painted my future. Hindi ko tiniis lahat ng pananakit, lungkot, at sakit na araw-araw kong nararanasan para magpadala sa isang mundo na pinipilit akong hilahin pababa.

This is not the life I should live. But... this isn't also the life that makes me want to push through.

No matter what I choose, I know that my Mommy Saige will embrace me. Praised me, for I being tough enough to fight for my nineteen years of existence. She will hug me tightly, as I know that she also misses to be with me because time has become our enemy. She will feel sad for being with me this early, but will also feel at ease now that this is the peace we're both been looking for.

Pero... is everything worth giving up? Ang katahimikan ba na gusto ko ay magpapalis ng mga luha at sakit ng mga iiwan ko? Those who cherished and loveds me truly? Magagawa ba nitong sagutin ang mga katanungan sa isip nila lalo na sa parte ng pagsisi sa sarili nila kung bakit hindi ako naprotektahan?

At maitataga ba ang hustisya at pagganti sa mga taong palaging gumagawa ng masama sa akin gayong puro pag-iwas at paglayo na ang ginagawa ko?

At isa pa... if I give up already, paano ko mabibigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak ko? What if after all of this, katiwasayan na ang naghihintay sa amin?

What if?

"I don't know. I think if she loses her memory, it will be much better because she can start again. She will not be hunted by what happened."

The darkness is slowly fading. Death is slowly loosening its grip from me, as it whispers another chance to live and fulfill my purpose in life.

"Audrey?"

Voices are slowly being heard. I am still trying to recognize them, and was also figuring out if it is worth it to wake up and give my life another try.

"Akira, hurry! Call the doctor!"

And in the end, the fight between entering the death's door and going on to the light, ended. I finally closed the door and promised my Mom that her dreams for me would be fulfilled. Maybe not now, because I will eventually be on a long series of healing, but soon, when everything is slowly going back to its proper places.

"Ma'am, we are here," Akira announced as our car stopped in front of the place that I wanted to visit. Sinilip ko ang labas bago nagpasyang bumaba.

Thoughts drowned me again as the waves of how I decided to just give up or to fight came back to me like a movie that was set in 5 times speed. It made me remember and trace the reason why I tried to give my life a chance again. On why I am here, standing in front of my men who now fell into a line to guard the place.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng lugar at tinanggal ang suot kong shades. Pinakatitigan ko ang tatlong lapida sa harap ko. I kneeled down and wiped it with a tissue. Nagtaka ako nang may makitang isang malaking pink na teddy bear at bouquet ng bulaklak ang nakalapag sa gilid. No one is allowed to enter this museleum without permission, and maybe I just forgot to ask Akira if someone asked kaya may nakapaglagay nito rito.

As I read the names written on the tombstone, I did my best to stop my tears from flowing, and I succeeded. I conceal my feeling like pain is an emotion that wasn't recognized on my system. Na para bang ang pagluha ay hindi ko na pwedeng gawin dahil naubos ko na ito at wala na akong oras para ipakita ito dahil magiging simbolo lang ng pagiging mahina.