Chasing Stars ✔️

13.

"There is no point dwelling on the dark, and ignore the light from the starts" – Carrie Fletcher

She

I was staring at the wall in front of me. White shiny paint, reflecting white shiny floors. Hospitals were strange places. They all looked the same with their impersonal straight lines, endless corridors separated by glass automatic doors... There was ought to be something more about these buildings, something that would make clear that people were fighting for their lives under that roof; something to offer some ease to the wives, parents, children, friends, holding their breaths, praying and wishing for their loved ones.

"It will be ok," Jake reassured next to me. "You have been feeling fine, right? You don't feel any pain in a while."

Yes. I was feeling fine. But I couldn't help being nervous about seeing Dr. Khron again. It was the middle of the week and the previous days were pleasantly similar. Driving with Jake became the most animated part of my day. We chatted about small everyday things, about college. He talked about his father's career, and I told him how John and I had identical tastes and interests. He made two more failed attempts of feeding me what he thought was my favorite ice cream, and we watched another comedy that turned out to be not so funny, but we ended up laughing, anyhow.

"I'm fine, Jake. You should go wait in the cafeteria. They won't let you pass this point. And this room is kind of depressing." Only when his arm crossed around my back, his hand resting with a soft contact against my shoulder, I realized I had been rocking my body against the chair. I stopped the repetitive movement at the comfort of his gesture, and my heart ached at that feeling. Comfort.

I insisted the Santos would go to Australia to prove myself strong. I didn't regret my decision. Still, at that moment, I realized Jake has been there for me along the way. Although we weren't friendly from the start, his presence was a constant during my mood swings. I half-smiled at the image of how Sabrina must have planned for this; always taking care of me, even from afar.

I was surprised when I felt his hand travel from my shoulder, sliding down the sleeve of my shirt. The thin cotton was a poor barrier against the roughness of his fingers. He stopped at the edge; just before skin could touch skin, as if the tissue was imposing a frontier he didn't want to cross. I said nothing; I resisted the urge to look at him, eyes still focusing on the overwhelming white surrounded me. In my mind, I imagined his fingers crossing the frontier; the warmth being maximized by the barrier-free contact. I suppressed a shiver, knowing I couldn't do the same with the blush painted across my face. His presence might bring comfort, but his touch... comfortable was not the exact word to define it, especially when we stood in a hospital's waiting room.

I was spared more disturbing thoughts when a metallic voice called my name. I rose, and all eyes shifted briefly in my direction.

"Go. I think I will want an enormous cup of tea after this."

I faced the hallway, making my way to Dr. Krohn's office. Before I passed the door, I took a glance back. Jake's eyes were already waiting for mine. He tucked his hands in his jeans, at the same time directing me an encouraging nod, and I felt the nervous knot of my stomach melt a little.

--

The cafeteria of the Hospital was almost empty, so I spotted Jake right away. He was sitting on a wooden table by a window, his back facing me, lost in the paper spread in front of him. I approached quietly and focused on the picture of the newspaper he was reading. It was a sports newspaper and was featuring the local soccer team's win from... two weeks ago.

"You know you can't really call that news, right?"

I saw how his shoulders trembled, even so lightly, as he cursed under his breath looking up to face me.