Chasing Stars ✔️

28.

"I have vowed with hollow words,

I have lied my way to the stars" – Catherine Fisher

She

I mentally prepared for a gush of cold air as soon as I stepped out of the building, but it never came, or maybe I was just too numb to feel it. Still, I wrapped my arms around myself, contemplating the deserted street. The rain seemed to be barely worthy of that name at that point, but I knew better. Looking up at a nearby lamppost, I saw the little particles of water dancing their way from the sky at a determined pace; my clothes would be wet in no time.

Without a phone, I would have to walk to the nearest bus stop. It didn't seem appealing, but what else could I have done? Go back inside and politely ask Jake to call me an Uber?

Would I ever be able to talk to him again? See him again without the pain? The longing?

Living in the same city and attending the same university was not a guarantee that we would meet, but he was living with Brian, and trusting luck to keep us from seeing each other seemed absurd.

A shiver made me remember my current situation on the street, the first rain from the end of summer, finally persistent enough to wet my hair.

I started to walk, trying not to think about how I probably looked as miserable as I felt. My steps felt awkward like I was too aware of the need to put one foot in front of the other to drag my sneakers on the grey blocks of stone.

White headlights shone behind me, making me move closer to the walls of the buildings, and my arms embraced me tighter when the vehicle came to a stop beside me. Fear pulled me out of my lethargic state, my brain commanding me to move faster. My name echoed on the empty street. The voice, familiar but unexpected, put a break on my intentions to escape.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, Matt's figure becoming a silhouette as he moved to the front of the car.

"Come inside the car, Alexa. You are going to get sick if you walk all the way home in the rain."

"It's not that bad," I faintly tried to argue.

"Come. I'll take you home." He was already circling the car to open the passenger door.

"I was already driving home when I remembered you didn't have your phone and it started to rain," he explained, shifting with the buttons in front of him until warm air blew to our feet. "I thought maybe I could drive around for a while, in case you needed something. I was about to go back home. I thought you would, you know... stay."

I turned to face the window, "no. I'm not staying."

My gaze remained focus on the outside as Matt drove. The long street that connected the campus to the center of the city was a blur behind the drops of rain clinging to the window. Somehow, amidst the fuzziness of my thoughts and the images passing in front of my eyes, an idea popped into my mind. "I may not be staying, but that doesn't mean I changed my mind... about what we talked about earlier."

Matt sighed, "Alexa, right now, I'm only trying to get you home. That's all."

Statics filled the silence between us; the radio automatically changed to a new station, programmed to always fill the void. My attention was not captured by the melody of the country song that started to play; my mind already traveling to the inside of another car, where I was the well-trained machine that made sure music was always present, as an excuse to avoid speaking to Jake. My heart squeezed.

"I don't want to go home yet."

"Where do you want to go, then?"

I shrugged, letting my head fall gently against the window, "anywhere." I just couldn't go home, because that meant that my head would rest against the wall he painted for me, seated on the bed we last made love, telling my sister we were no longer... we.