Chasing Stars ✔️

16.

Ora (direis) ouvir estrelas! Certo

Perdeste o senso"

(...)

E eu vos direi: "Amai para entendê-las!

Pois só quem ama pode ter ouvido

Capaz de ouvir e de entender estrelas."  Via lactea - Olavo Bilac*

She

The back of my neck relaxed against the edge of the tub. It was a perfect fit, I thought, sighing at the relaxation of my muscles. The scent of rosemary was subtle, but just as relaxing as the package of the salts promised. I opened my hands and allow my arms to flow at each side of my body, the soft tickle of the bubbles caressing me.

Long tub baths could very well be an alternative form of therapy. I was pretty sure even Dr. B would agree with that.

Maybe I should indulge in these more often. Sienna would, without a doubt, encourage both me and Sabrina to enjoy the bliss of the master bathroom facilities. At my old house, mom and I were only allowed to use the shower in the smaller bathroom. Another one of his rules I didn't understand for so long.

Puffing my cheeks with air, I let go of a deep powerful blow, aiming at a chunk of bubbles, making the foam the victim of my frustration. Would I remember more about my father after having finally mentioned him? That was what I had always been scared of. Talking helped to move from the traumas about my mother, but she, I could understand. She was sick, an addict. My father, I could never know why he did what he did. What made him into the person he was at home. I thought many times he was born that way, genetically evil. I never told anyone this because, although I knew that was impossible, a small part of me was terrified it might be true.

Readjusting my position in the tub, I tried to reconnect with the pleasurable feeling from earlier, but my mind was restless, holding onto the image of how brave I felt while mentioning the nightmares. After years of seeing Dr. B, I always thought that subject to be my weakness.

The edge of the tub and my head meet again, this time with exasperation; so much for my bubble bath. The moment had passed. What else was I supposed to think about?

Putting myself in a sitting position, and using my hands to push away the scented bubbles, I reached for the towel.

In front of me, the mirror reflected the image of my naked body, my mind finding a momentary distraction in the way the traces of water crossed my skin before, finally, tugging myself into the soft towel. I made a point of clutch it as close as possible. The memory of Jake's arms embracing me flashed before my eyes like a thunder.

My hand flew to my exposed collarbone, my fingers touching the wet skin where hours before Jakes's heartbeat was compressed against.

Steady, powerful heartbeat. Warm touch. Firm muscles around my back, holding me.

I grabbed the towel tighter and inhaled deeply. The rosemary felt wrong to my nostrils and my heart; Jake smelt of spicy male cologne laced with something that reminded me of the sea.

Focus Alexa.

Shaking my head, and ignoring the growing temperature inside the bathroom, I replaced the towel for my usual shorts and tank top, planning the rest of the night. I would find myself some uninterested movie to watch. Hopefully, my brain would be bored enough to slip into oblivious and I could be graced with a nightmare-free slumber.