Chasing Stars ✔️

30.

"God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young
It's hunting season and the lambs are on the run
Searching for meaning
But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?"– lyrics from "lost Stars", Adam Levine

She

Twenty-one days. That was how long I'd been away from St. Patrick. It wasn't really an escape; I was home, after all. John and Sienna welcomed me with open arms and were as understanding and sweet as ever.

Mostly for Sabrina's sake, I kept my phone on, and she called every day, many times, with Brian next to her. I took it as a sign that they realized arguing because of my failed relationship was a waste of time. Jax also called, and texted, a lot... essentially jokes colored with tons of emojis.

The person who surprised me the most was Matt. The first time I saw him outside my doorstep, dressed in the dark clothes he used for work, it took me a while to process that he was, in fact, there. My surprise only grew with his second visit, and all the ones that followed. I didn't feel like I was a pleasant company for anyone, but didn't have the heart to send him away, and after the initial awkwardness, I had to admit I started to enjoy it. He didn't push me to talk much, but he always had a story to tell. Turns out coming from a big family with three siblings would provide an endless repertoire of funny tales. It was refreshing, almost peaceful to hear him. The Wolfs seemed like an easygoing bunch and above all a loving, uncomplicated family.

For several days everyone looked supportive of my decision of running away. But when classes started, and I showed no intention of returning, I could feel the concern in everybody; I understood it, even felt the same. The rational part of me urged me to go back, knowing that there was no point in staying away. I couldn't press a pause button and make the world stop spinning. But that also meant it was inevitable to see him again. With all the doubts dancing in my mind, I was sure of one thing. I wasn't ready to face Jake; I was terrified to do so, and it pained me deeply how unfair it was for both of us and to our story to think that way... but I couldn't help it.

On the twenty-first night of my stay at Newport, I was heading for the kitchen for a late-night snack, a habit that I had picked up thanks to Sienna trying to spoil me with food when I halted at the sight in front of me. Sienna and John both stood in the kitchen, clearly expecting me; even Miss Blush was curled in one chair, her penetrating feline gaze finding me as I entered. Felling like a little girl caught misbehaving, I rubbed my palms on my leggings, struggling to get rid of the thin layer of sweat that started to form. Sienna put two plates with extra-large slices of chocolate cake on the table, and it took her only a few more seconds to produce two mugs next to the plates. Tea for me; milk for John. She pecked her husband on the lips before and run a hand on my back before saying goodnight. Miss Blush followed with a wave of her fluffy tail. So it was just me and John.

He didn't say anything at first, just let the fork cut through the cake and slowly guided it to his lips. A sound of appreciation followed immediately. "I could have married her just for this cake... please don't tell her." He pushed the plate opposite to him, closer to the edge of the table. His offer came with a smile, making my body relax as I sat grabbing my fork to follow his example. The small pieces of dark chocolate melted in my mouth with a familiar taste. That was both Sabrina's and my favorite cake, and the memory of the first time I tasted it, still, a little girl, spending way too much time at her friend's house to have an excuse to stay away from her own family, added a trace of bitterness to the delicious dessert. Nothing was ever simple; I shoved the thought aside with another piece of the dark cake.

"I'm glad your appetite is coming back," John said. "How is your sleep?"

"Not too bad", I answer, stirring my cup of tea.