Chasing Stars ✔️

26.

"From the stars we come, to the starts we go." Walter Moers

She

I hadn't been to too many funerals in my life. The ones I had been to didn't leave any memories on my mind, just an overall impression; sadness that you could almost feel touching your skin, people clad in dark clothes, words of regret murmured softly.

My mother's funeral... I just wanted it to be over. I was about to either laugh hysterically or vomit on the cemetery floor; I didn't think people would take lightly on either reaction.

The Santos wanted me to stay with them for a few more days, but I was decided to go back to St. Patrick. No one spoke of it, but they all knew why. It had been almost 48 hours since the autopsy results were revealed, and I felt like exploding. My mind was restless. I had to put everything I had bottled up for the past days out of my chest.

"I want to get out of these clothes first," I said, addressing Sabrina. We were already at St. Patrick, navigating the streets that would take us home. My sister kept her eyes on the road, a deep crease between her eyebrows, but the fact that I had finally broken the silence must have encouraged her to speak.

"Matt called twice today. He's been calling every day. He's really worried about you."

I nodded. My phone had been off since the night my mother died. "I know."

"I hope it's ok, but I told him we would be back today. And... maybe you would call him soon... I mean, I didn't want to assume, but..."

"No, that's ok. I'll call him. Maybe tomorrow."

There was another beat of silence between us, I looked out of the window noticing how the sun was already low in the sky.

"Jake called too." The effort she made for her voice to sound casual was almost comical.

"I'm keeping my promise."

"I know, but... I think maybe he was expecting to talk to you as soon as they let him out."

I fidget with my fingers. "I have to speak to him, face to face. I couldn't just listen to his voice on the phone and go buried my mother after. I need to... see him."

She shifted in her seat, "you do?"

I glared at her.

"I mean. You weren't talking about him. And that strange vibe with his father..." She paused for a minute near a busy intersection. As soon as she took the familiar turn, she spoke again. "You said nothing until the autopsy confirmed your mother's cause of death was an overdose, and her wounds were at least 24 hours old."

"What did you want me to do? It's not like the police would let me see him, and later..." I shook my head. "I never believed he did it, not for one second."

She grabbed a hand full of her curls, pushing them from her face, "You didn't?"

"God, no," I said.

Our house came into view. Sabrina parked clumsily in front of the door, getting out of the car fast, I followed. She came around grabbing both my arms. "I wouldn't judge you, either way, Alexa, but you really, I mean really, have to say that to Jake. The guy is driving himself insane."

The familiar flame of guilt burned in my chest.

"I thought you would jump at the chance of seeing him again, and yet, here we are," she pointed to the house in front of us.

"It's not that simple, Sabrina." I opened my bag, dragging objects around to reach for my key.

"I know he went behind your back, but he was trying to protect you."