Felix Fractured

7 : colors

ALEXIA

My heartbeat picks up. I know what I want, but is it what he wants?

Is he only showing me what I want to see? I glance further into his eyes. It appears that he's completely dropped the veil covering his emotions, well, probably as much of the veil that he is capable of dropping. I lower my gaze to his lips and blush, unable to meet his eyes again. He reaches forward and touches his thumb to my lips gently. My knees want to cave under me, and I try my best not to tremble.

"Not just yet," I manage, my voice sounding daring, even to myself. I lean forward and kiss his cheek lightly. "Good night."

I'd barely whispered the last part, but he'd caught it. "Night, Lex."

The nickname he'd tacked on is unorthodox, but I really like it. As I lay in bed that night, I keep reflecting on what he told me and the weird moment at the end. Maybe we were just tired? I'm still surprised by his burst of openness. How does someone go from a flat-out "no" to unhinging the doors altogether a few hours later? I know I'm not that convincing.

I rub my head and turn over. What have I gotten myself into?

I'm just lost in the woods because it's stressful trying to engage with someone when they keep that level of distance there. I guess I'm not the loner type, but I am an introvert. I wouldn't just walk up to anyone and try to get to know them, but just any person is not him. It was driving me crazy sitting there wanting to say something but feeling like my mouth was stuffed with cotton. I want to learn him because of genuine, personal intentions, but it was starting to seem that he only wanted to learn enough to get to know me out of obligation. I know that couldn't be true because no person is that shallow. At least, I refuse to believe anyone would only ever think that way about everyone, including their soulmate. It just isn't plausible.

I groan into my pillow and make an angry face in the darkness. I need sleep and lots of it to deal with this. Unfortunately, the moment I close my eyes, I see myself reflected in his dark brown ones. I should've kissed him. I wanted to, and now, instead of just getting gratification from denying him, I've sabotaged myself as well. Sometimes I can be so dumb, I swear.

*****

A knock at the door wakes me up the next morning. I jolt upright at his voice. "When you're ready, we'll head back."

"Okay!" I push my hair out of my face and smooth the covers, collecting myself even though he cannot see me through the door. What is wrong with me?

I wait a couple of minutes, gathering myself together, before exiting my room. Thankfully, Felix appears to not be around, so I'm able to make it into the bathroom without being seen. I shut the door with more force than necessary and sigh as I look over my unruly hair in the mirror. I'm such a mess. Luckily there are some spare things here.

Within five minutes, I'm presentable as I'll ever be without makeup. As I'm leaving the bathroom, the door betrays me: squeaking even though it didn't before. Felix turns towards the sound, and our eyes meet as I approach. He nods, and I smile. It's awkward.

After locking up the place, we follow the trail through the woods and break apart to shift. Clara emerges through the brush with my clothes in her mouth. Felix's wolf is already there. His coat is a brilliant, glossy black with a white underbelly. His attractiveness and poised stature only compliment him. Clara is simply a solid gray wolf, small in size, and a little clumsy at times. I must look pretty bland flanking such a distinguished future alpha.

At least I don't have to worry about conversation while we're running through the woods. His wolf is focused and driven, though I have noticed the occasional twitch of his ear and tilt of his head when he briefly checks on me. Suddenly, I start to wonder if yesterday was just a fluke. Will this be the only attention I get from him? To make matters more miserable, it's not even technically from him, it's from his wolf. I try to dismiss the thought and regain focus in just enough time to avoid the side of a fallen log.