Felix Fractured

23 : searching

ALEXIA

The waves are calming to my burdened heart. Felix approaches me from behind and I lean into his embrace. I'm glad we decided to return here after the meeting. Things are starting to unfold around me; the pictures are coming to life. There was so much I didn't know or have the tools to understand that I do now.

Reality is much more cruel than we give it credit for.

The view is breathtaking: the moon providing just enough light to bounce off the oncoming waves; white streaks distorting the sea of black. Something tells me this is the last time we'll be taking a true vacation in a while.

He leans against me and I sigh along with him. The meeting had been incredibly draining and seemed to add to our worries more than actually solve things. At least we had the opportunity to address the other packs. After another longing look at the sea, I tap his arm and we turn back for the beach house.

We came here straight from the hotel where the meeting took place. It's after midnight at this point, but I wanted to get a good look at the ocean before calling it a night. Felix accompanied me wordlessly, even though he's exhausted. We both are. I decided against venturing beyond the boardwalk just because I didn't know if I would have the energy to make it all the way back.

Once inside, I trudge up the stairs while Felix locks up. I'm thankful I left a few dim lights on because I don't know my way at all around here. In a robotic fashion, I sluggishly change clothes and brush my teeth. The covers welcome me upon impact and I start to nod off. Felix is a few seconds behind me and nudges me awake enough so that I can actually move under their warmth. He mumbles something incomprehensible. My mind has already surrendered for the night and I'm soon to follow it.

The next morning, against either of our wills, we both wake promptly at seven like we had for the past week. He gets up to shower, but I continue to fight the reality that I'm awake for the day. Even when he returns, I'm still cowering under the covers.

He pulls at the pillow I have propped over my face. When I growl, he chuckles and I picture him rolling his eyes. "Pretending to be asleep will only get you so far."

"I'm an expert at bending reality to my will," I sass.

"Is that so?" He inquires, tapping me on the head. "Do tell."

I turn to the side and flick him on the shoulder. "Did you talk to Scout yet?"

He sighs, sitting beside me. The position oddly reminds me of my dad when he'd try to get me up for school. The thought makes me cringe when I remember it's Felix. I trash it immediately.

"A little. They didn't find much at the pack... well, remnants of the Preston pack."

I nod. She'll probably give us more details when we make it back tonight. I sit up and impulsively yawn. Felix is lost in his thoughts now, so I just hug him and wander into the bathroom. The warm shower soothes more than I thought it would.

I poke my head out of the door and notice that he's absent. I towel-dry my hair a little more before bracing the AC in the fluffy towel. I kneel down and start rifling through my suitcase. I notice his presence and absentmindedly inquire about when we're heading home.

Vaguely, I register him leaning against the doorframe and I roll my eyes at his silence. "I just want to know what I'm changing into?"

When I finally look at him, he's just looking right on back. An intense stare that makes me a little self-conscious, but also sends chills through me. "Fine, guess I'm going with comfy clothes," Then I frown to myself and stand up, crossing my arms.

"I don't know, do you want to go to the shore?"

"I guess we can." I reason, kneeling back down. Something stirs inside me, something revolting. "That's now what I asked," I shut my suitcase and face him, ready to fuss.

I freeze up when I see a black wall and slowly look up at him. His moonless eyes hold a complicated expression. "What do you want to do?"

I toss my arms around his neck and meet his lips. He returns the same longing I show and I'm swept up easily. Next thing I know, we both wake up to a midday alarm. For a moment, I wonder if it was all in my head, but his bare body against mine says otherwise. His hair tickles my neck as he cradles me.

I don't even remember setting an alarm but I'm glad one of us had sense. He releases me enough so that I can shut the annoying thing off before pulling me back in. "But doesn't that-?"

He hums against my neck, but the sound vibrates my whole body. "Not just yet."

"Okay," I kiss his head and we lay in comfortable silence for a few more minutes. I'm so snug, I almost fall back asleep, but he moves to stretch, effectively waking me up. I yawn and he kisses my nose, pulling me close again. It's my turn to hum in contentment.

"We should probably go soon," I open my eyes shyly and meet his.

His eyes linger on mine for a long moment before they trace my countenance. "Mmm, I don't want to, though. I love you, Pretty Eyes."

I relay the sentiment and his caring gaze lingers a little longer before he disentangles himself. His phone vibrates on the bed stand and I take that as my cue to get ready to leave. As I go through the motions, the look he gave me stays with me. It made me feel warm and happy all over. So happy, in fact, that I startle him with another kiss once we're in the car.

It totally throws him out of his composure when he tries to finish telling the driver that we're going back to the castle. I laugh at his expression as the sunlight reflects on him. The moment seems to play before me in slow motion, just for a moment. The happiness I feel is just as pure as his godly beauty. Breaking the moment, he slings an arm around my shoulders and presses my head against his shoulder. I know he's smiling, though, because I caught it.

*****
SCOUT

"Sounds like you might like this guy, Scout." Alexia's words hit me hard.

"Oh, no. Definitely not. No." I shake my head adamantly.

She just laughs. "It's okay to crush on someone. If you'd just tell me who-"

"No, I-I need to break it off. Emotions are... complicating."

"Ok, but-"

"Thank you for your help, Lexi."

"Wait! You guys could be mates!"

"Highly doubtful," I respond with suppressed emotion. The mere idea has my mind whirling. No way. Not possible.

I step out into the night. It's not fall yet, but the evenings are already getting to that cool temperature. It's telling that my favorite season will be here soon. For the first time in a while, I feel alone as I make it back to my room, and I let a sigh of relief escape.

My freedom is short lived as I hear a sound once I open my door. No one comes forward, but I roll my eyes. He's too good, but I'm not a pansy. I can handle my own. There has to be a way I can get back at Felix for taking some of my pride even though he has good intentions. If he was a normal alpha he'd have no pull over me.

I fall onto my bed and roll around a few times. There's no way that's possible, is there? Alexia's words from earlier echo in my mind. Even if it was true, I choke a little, there's no way I'm ready for that is there?

I am drawn to him in an unusual, often repulsive, way. Like I'm drawn to him, but I have just as much pushback. What if I didn't?

The thought lingers in the air for a moment as wind blows outside my window. No, he pushed me away too. One thing's for sure, it's terrifying to me. Which means I need to face it head on. I can't be blind-sighted if I see it coming, right?

No why am I even entertaining the idea??? There's no way it could be true. I refuse to think about it any longer.