Felix Fractured

2: silence

Song: "Rainy Afternoon" by Jordy Chandra
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ALEXIA

It's about midnight when I exit the guest room. I pick my way around and tiptoe down the staircase. I could not, for the life of me, get any sleep. I'm still excited from earlier and I don't know what to do with myself.

I venture through the dark, quiet house. I find a window seat and immediately take up residence. The light from the full moon is almost as striking as the broad landscape of pack-land outlined before me. It stretches beyond my limited field of vision. To my left is the castle, unmistakable even in the darkness due to its imposing height and build. It is a little intimidating to me, serving its purpose, I suppose, but I can't deny the little spark that ignites in me. It's a small flicker surrounded by darkness but at least it's something.

Initially, I was reluctant but now I think I'm ready to take this step. It's a major one for sure, moving into a new residence is a big deal. I don't even know how it would work but the truth is I'm dying to leave home. I know I'll be jumping into something entirely new and leaving behind all I've ever known, but when you've grown up in a strict environment, you want to leave just as much as you're scared to entertain the idea. I've concluded that there is no way to win until you remove yourself from the equation. It's kind of sad but how can you grow if there's no space or, more accurately, only a controlled amount of space.

"Hey," Felix's greeting has me bolting to my feet. "What are you doing up this late?"

I sit back down bashfully and don't respond. I don't want him to think I'm being impolite or snooping around my first night here. The guest room was just too confining for me. I scoot over on the cushioned window seat, hoping this will show my intentions and likewise show that I'm open to conversation. I even want to talk but I'm just not sure what to say.

He takes me up on the offer and I rest my cheek against the chilled wall. We sit in silence for a few more minutes both deep in our thoughts with the glowing moon above us. The spotlight continues to illuminate the outside world from above, unobscured by anything. It is beautiful and free, something I longingly wish to be.

There's faint friction in the atmosphere as we sit comfortably apart. My eyes wander up to the only light in the darkness. I wonder if I'm the only one that has this anxiety. I know it will dwindle as I get to know him better because that's how it works with most people. But there is so much I want to say now I just need a lead-in, a life-saver to catch me from drowning in the chaotic sea of my mind.

He clears his throat and my eyes instantly dart to him, but his are still glued on the moon.

I take a breath, attempting to soothe my nerves. I locate my voice, deciding that it's now or never, and push the question through. "Can I-can we talk?"

He doesn't respond long enough for me to suck in another breath. It's shaky.

"Hold that thought," He rushes out the room and into the darkness. A minute later he returns with soda and hands me one. I pop my can open and so does he. I'm surprised when I taste the red creme I was craving earlier. He'd noticed.

"I'm not the best at icebreakers," I admit. The carbonation fizzes in the aluminum can, providing a much-needed distraction for me. Peculiarly, it boosts my confidence. "I have a lot to say it just... gets lost somewhere between my mind and my mouth."

I finally look up at his expression. Due to the moonlight and the way we're facing each other, I can only see one full side of his face. There's a small smile tugging at his lips, encouraging me gently.

I glance back down, feeling slightly flushed. "I don't want to go home," I take a sip and swallow before realizing I should clarify. "I've wanted to move out for a while, I just haven't been able to yet."