With All Might

Kabanata 15

Opinion

Months passed and Tito Heu was announced as the newly elected Governor of Zaccarrio. Kuya Hex went back for Manila for his studies.

Mahigit dalawang buwan na kaming hindi nagkikita at nag-uusap dahil lang sa pag iwas ko sa kanya. Pero imbes na makahinga ng maluwag dahil wala na akong iisipin, mas lalong gumulo ang isip ko nang umalis siya.

I miss him...

Iyan ang isang pakiramdam na ikinakatakot ko ngayon. Because I shouldn't miss him like this. I shouldn't think about him like this. But my mind always wander about him even after he hurt my feelings for getting angry at me because he misjudged me and Gabriel while we were locked inside a room.

"You're a nice guy and sweet. Hindi ka din mahirap mahalin Gabriel... But I'm really sorry." sabi ko isang beses na nagka-usap kami ng masinsinan matapos ang ilang linggo kong pag iwas sa kanya after no'ng nangyari sa outing namin sa isang lagoon sa Sta. Cruz.

"Pero akala ko ba parehas tayo ng nararamdaman Zaccary? You have a crush on me and our feelings our mutual. Bakit ayaw mo ng magpaligaw?" tumaas ang tono ng boses niya, dahilan para mapatingin ang ibang estudyante sa'min.

Ayaw ko sana siyang hiyain pero nagpumilit siyang makipag-usap sa'kin dito sa school ground nang maabotan niya ako. I wanted to clear things between us in a formal way and in private but he won't listen.

"I'm really sorry, Gabriel. I gave you hope but I leave you hanging in the end. I can understand if you won't forgive me." sagot ko.

"Dahil ba sa Hex na 'yon?" yumugyog ang balikat niya sa pagtawa. "I see.. Noon paman, napapansin ko ng malapit kayo. But you only told me he is your brother's bestfriend at matagal na kayong magkaibigan. Magkaibigan ba talaga, Zaccary?"

Umiling uli ako. Namuo na ang mga luha sa'king mga mata dahil sa mga masasakit niyang paratang.

"Gabriel..."

"You played with my feelings because you think high of yourself. And I can understand why you choose that bastard son of our Governor because simply, he is rich and influential unlike me. I am just nothing. And because I am nothing, you treated me as a trash by fooling with my feelings. Pinaniwala mo akong may chance ako, Zaccary!"

Humikbi na ako. "Hindi kita niloko, Gabriel. At hindi kita pinaniwala. Lahat ng mga sinabi ko sa'yo noon, totoo. Kung ano man ang pinakita ko sa'yo no'n, lahat 'yon totoo. I like you.. Kaya lang..." Wala na akong maidugtong dahil hindi ko na alam paano eexplain ang side ko para maintindihan niya ako. Dahil kung kaya ko lang din ipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko at kung hindi lang din ako nagugulohan, bakit ko pa pahihirapan ang sitwasyon 'di ba? The only thing that is sure now is that I don't want him to hope for me.

I know I'm cruel for doing this. I made him believe. I made him hope. But I only broke his heart in the end.

But this is way better than making him continue to believe that we can still be a thing. At hindi naman dahil mahirap siya at mayaman ako. Our status was never been an issue to me. I never look up to anyone through that like my parents. I always appreciate the inside of the people. That's more important to me.

"Sana naniwala nalang ako sa mga kaibigan ko na wala kang pinagkaiba sa mga mayayamang haciendera. You're nothing but a playgirl, lier and a filthy bitch slut!" he yelled and walk away.

Ilang araw namugto ang mga mata ko pagkatapos ng aming pag-uusap ni Gabriel. Hindi ko inexpect kahit kailan na mapagsasalitaan niya ako ng masasakit na salita. Malayo iyon sa tingin ko sa kanya noon. Akala ko kahit magagalit siya sa desisyon ko ay may maiiwang pag respeto siya sa'kin kahit konti lang.