To the nights we spent

03

"My mother have high expectations on me, she wants me to on Top always. Hindi lang basta top, gusto niya magaling pa ako sa magaling." I simply said, then drank my beer.

Kumunot ang noo niya, like hindi niya inaasahan yun. Because it's me Yhiene Qezia, the girl who's always happy.

He nodded as a sign of continuing my story, "Habang paglaki ko, napapansin ko na sobrang kitid ng utak niya. Maybe she lift me up because her mother used to say things like that to her."

Tao lang naman ako, nagkakamali. But failing is part of the process hindi pwedeng tama ka palagi, kailangan mong madapa bago mo matutunan lahat.

"Para akong gadget o robot para sakanya eh, bawal magkamali. She's my mother, pero anak lang ako para sakanya, siya lagi tama at ako lagi mali." I said, then i felt a relief on my chest.

Maybe my problems are so heavy, that no one else can lift it up but him, Walter. Dahan dahan niyang tinaas yung isa niyang kamay, nagtaka ako kung bakit pero nung unti unting lumapit yun sakin, nalaman ko rin saan yun pupunta.

He gently hold my cheeks, lifting my face up. His hands felt like it's my home, my peace. "You are a human Qezia, Words will hurt you more than physically abusing you. But remember this, you need to face problems in order to be successful" he said.

His words slowly grow inside me, para akong isa niyang tao na napapasunod niya. "Walter, it's not that easy to bring myself up, there are others that's trying to bring me down!"

Hindi napapansin ni Mommy na siya rin ang nag papa down sakin, instead of cheering me up, she let her pride grows down on me. She wants me to win at all cost, but i lost myself on the game.

"Don't put pressure too much, hindi ka niya pag mamay-ari, She maybe is your parent but you got your own life." he said, putting his hands down

My phone vibrated again, he saw it. He immediately sighed after he take a look of it, meaning it's that bad.

My so called mother:

Umuwi ka nang puta ka, Nasan ka na ba? Baka nag lasing lasingan ka dahil lang sa mga sinabi ko? Umuwi kana dito Yhiene!

Pinunasan ko na ang mga luha ko, tama. I need to face my mother and prove my worth, i'm not just a robot that she can control. I'm proud of myself, then if she's not proud? Suit her self.

"Uwi na ako, salamat sa pakikinig ha? Gabi na, baka hinahanap ka na rin sainyo. I said, walking away.

Hindi na siya nakasagot, nagmadali talaga akong umalis sa park. Tama na yung nakita niya akong umiyak, sa sobrang ka awkwardan ng mga oras na yun, naririnig ko na pati usapan ng mga lamok.

Naglakad na lang ako papunta sa condo ko, alam ko naman na andun na sila eh bumibisita lang naman sila kapag may mali akong ginawa.

Pero kapag yung tama? Wala man text o tawag, basta okay na sila dun, ay mali pala swertihan na lang kung okay sila dun.

As i get to the elevator, i keep praying and telling my self na sana pakinggan man lang nila ako. Kahit ngayon lang, kasi sa sobrang sama ng loob ko hindi ko na alam ano pang mga salitang pwede ko ipa intindi sakanila.

I reached my door, enter my password.

And there, i saw them sitting on the dining room. I immediately found my mom, checking on her phone, Dad sighing and tapping his shoes to the floor and Tiffany who's enjoying herself.

She maybe think i'm that easy to take down huh? Then watch as i show my worth to them bitch.

Ako nagturo sakanya lahat, we are sisters. But technically, when she was born the contest started like boom, Hindi ko nga alam san nang galing yun eh.

Nag aaral akong mabuti, atheletic pa nga eh. Part ako ng volleyball team, gumawa pa kami ng band. Pero lahat yun wala para sakanya, distraction lang yun para sakanya e. Pero para sakin? Lagusan yun para makatakas ako.

"Yhiene! Ano tong grade na to?" she immediately slapped the paper on my face, my cheeks immediately heated too.

Humarap agad ako sakanya, pero tinignan ko muna yung grades ko. Isang 89 calculus subject.

Pinaka terror na teacher, and my mom's favorite subject. It is always like that 89 to 93. Buti nga naka honors pa and pwede pa mag cum laude eh? Hindi pa ba sapat yun? Ano bang gusto ni mama maging superhero ako? Genius ganon?

"Bakit ma? Ginawa ko naman lahat ha! 89? Yan lang ikakagalit mo? Eh yan nga si Tiffany kahit maka 70 okay lang sayo!" I exclaimed, as soon as i try to speak again, i was shut down by her slap.

And that slaps made me think, kung sa ibang pamilya lang sana ako makukuha ko rin ba to? Do i deserve this kind of pain? Wala nga akong lovelife, mas matinding sakit naman to family problems.

"Wag na wag mong ikukumpara si tiffany sayo!" she exclaimed, i noticed her heavy breathing. Daddy stood up and hold my mom.

"You are the pride mom! Your whole ass self! Bakit hindi si Tiffany ipressure mo? kasi siya yung gusto mo? Hindi ako? Then fuck favoritism! I don't need that in my life!"

"Qezia, tama na. Kami na ang uuwi, Pasensya kana sa mommy mo, masyado nang nahigh blood, at kung ano ano na sinabi. Pumunta kana sa kwarto mo." he calmly said, dragging my mother to the door. Leaving Me and Tiffany alone

Tumalikod na ako sakanya, ayoko nang makipag away pa. I have enough this day masyado nang fully pack tong araw na to, bukas papasok pa ako.

But as soon as i turn my back, i heard her say "Great job sis, you just triggered our mom." she chuckled. I would not fight back, i should just understand her.

Because that's how big sister acts right?

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