Break Me

chapter one

"I can't believe they chose you out of everyone here"

I ignore the snide comment of the girl who sleeps in the bed next to me. I never bothered to learn her name. I don't bother learning anyone's name. It's no point, seeing as everyone leaves before I do.

Except today.

Today I got adopted.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. I don't know whether or not I should be thankful towards the couple who decided that I was the kid they wanted, or a little pissed off about it. I only had two more years before they would have kicked me out anyway, and what's two more years when you've already been here for fourteen? And what couple in their right mind would adopt a sixteen year old anyway?

It makes me question their morals.

I've asked myself the same question as the snide girl sitting on the bed to my left ever since I found out a week ago that a family wanted to adopt me. No one's ever even wanted to foster me before which makes me come to the conclusion that my new adoptive parents, are mental.

The last thing I stuff into my small black duffle bag is my red journal. This journal is the only thing that has kept me sane since I started high school, but I have a feeling that I'm gonna need it now more than ever.

Everything else in my small bag is replaceable. The small amount of clothes that I was allowed to have and the one pair of shoes that I have besides the ones on my feet.

I zip up my bag and put on my black jacket. It isn't cold outside but I never go anywhere without it on. It's a form of comfort.

I don't take one last final dramatic look at the room. I don't need to, it's not like I'm gonna forget what it looks like. I don't take another look at any of the girls who are sitting on the beds although I can feel all of their eyes glaring at me as if I did something wrong. As if I chose to be adopted.

Which I absolutly did not.

Not that I'm not grateful...although I still haven't quite established my feelings towards the situation.

The stairs creak beneath me as I walk downstairs to go meet the couple who adopted me. I haven't met them before so I am a bit nervous. I wonder if they know what I look like. I hope they aren't disappointed, most people are.

I reach the bottom and walk through the door that seperates the front entrance from the rest of the orphanage. The front entrance is a complete three sixty from where the children are kept. Instantly my surroundings change from cold, dark, and brown to warm, welcoming, and yellow. No one is allowed past the entrance so in hindsight it makes sense.

They put effort into what people can see and pocket the rest of the money. Anything for a dollar right?

I am met with two people who look like the epitome of happiness.

Good god this cannot be them.

I literally look like the posterchild of darkness. I know I do for a fact. With my black jacket and black shirt and black shoes. Even my hair is jet black. The only thing that isn't black are my jeans. I didn't even have the decency to wear my light blue jeans I just threw on the dark blue ones. Which only completes my look of darkness without actually using the color black.

This is where they will turn around and realize they made a mistake.

So I stand and wait for them to leave. I make no effort to walk towards them. I stand and wait for the emotional blow to my chest. I wait for the rejection that I have faced my whole life. I wait for them to realize that I'm not worth their time.