Break Me

chapter fourteen

"You're not seriously mad that I accepted her invitation"

Mason is following close behind me up the stairs. As soon as Amy pulled out of the driveway I stormed into the house, and now we are approaching my room. I try to close the door on him but he stops it and walks in.

He closes the door behind him and just as I sit my bag down he yanks my arm and slams me against the door. Not hard enough to hurt me, just enough to shock me and get my attention.

I look up at him. His jaw is tense and his facial features are hard.

"What the hell is wrong with you" he demands through his teeth.

What is wrong with me? Why am I so mad?

He techniqually didn't do anything wrong. Amy invited him to dinner and he accepted, there isn't anything wrong with that. So why am I so upset?

I sigh and stand up straight. He lets go of my arm and I walk over to my bed where I had sat my bag.

"I don't know" I mumble.

I open the zipper of my bag  and mindlessly search through it trying to distract myself but I sense his piercing grey eyes looking down at me. I turn around and sure enough, there is only a few inches in between us. His arms are crossed and his eyebrows furrowed waitng for a more elaborate answer than the one I provided him with.

Then it hits me.

I'm mad because I'm nervous.

I've never done this before. This is all very new to me. This might be regular to other girls. Meet a boy, bring him to dinner or whatever you normally do with boys. But I don't know any of this stuff. I've never brought a guy anywhere near where I live, especially when I was at the orphanage. I don't know how to date, if that's even whats going on right now. I am completely clueless, and that makes me nervous.

It's an unsettling feeling. I usually know how to do everything. I ace all my subjects, I knew how to take care of myself when I couldn't count on anyone to take care of me, and I knew everything I needed to know to survive on my own. But this? I don't know how to do, and it scares me.

How do I tell him that? Mason, who has experience with everything I don't. How do I tell him that I'm so nervous and scared that it's making me mad.

I take a deep breath and look up at him. I'm surprised that he hasn't snapped at me for not answering yet.

"I'm just nervous" I admit to him.

His face muscles relax but his eyebrows are still furrowed, probably out of confusion rather than frustration. I sigh and sit down on the bed.

"I don't know how to do this and it's making me nervous" I try to explain further.

"You don't know how to do what?" Mason asks me in an almost soothing voice.

His voice relaxes me and I feel inclined to open up a little more.

"I don't have any...experience with boys or I've never brought one home for dinner" I shake my head. "It's just that I don't know how to do any of this, and so I got nervous which made me mad"

He doesn't say anything for a while, he just stands there. I almost regret saying anything at all, but then he finally speaks.

"It's okay to not know something, you don't have to know everything" he uncrosses his arms. "Stand up"

I stand up and he raises his hand using his fingers to trace my neck and shoulder. Then he travels up to my hair gently tugging and massaging it.

"I like that you don't have experience, it adds to your innocence" he bends down to my ear and I shudder when his breath tickles my ear. "I love your innocence"