The Other Wayland

Bad News is Never Easy

Joe's POV

"It's not good, Joe, it's really not good," Magnus declared as he paced back and forth.

"What do you mean? You told me she had woken up, that she was going to be okay?" I asked stressed.

"That was before I'd spoken to her. She has severe memory loss" He collapsed on to the sofa looking exhausted and defeated. 

"She doesn't remember anything?" I asked feeling like my heart was breaking.

"I took some photos of everyone to show her, so I could evaluate how bad it was but nothing. She picked out yours and Jace's faces as familiar but couldn't recall names. Her father said she couldn't remember her name when she came to and she can't recall anything past the meadow I formed in her mind." He said sadly.

"Will it get better? Will she remember us?" I asked anxiously. I couldn't imagine how horrible this must be for her, everyone around her telling her who she's supposed to be when she can't remember anything for herself. "Is there anything we can do to help?" 

"Memory loss is tricky. More often than not, they return eventually, others they don't return at all,"  Magnus shrugged, pain in his face. "The fact that she felt some familiarity for you and Jace is a good sign but only time will tell. There's little to be done for it. Other than the memory loss, she's in pain which is to be expected, I can help with that, she is incredibly weak but that's also to be expected and will hopefully ease in time too."

"When can I see her?" I asked, I hadn't seen her since she went to the Seelies, the Queen had told me that the forest wouldn't be so effective if there were visitors from the outside world and now she was awake I just wanted to be with her. I missed her so much it hurt, and ever since Magnus informed us she was awake I'd been dying to see her. 

"Not yet," I opened my mouth to protest, "I know it's hard to stay away now she's awake but we can't overwhelm her with visitors especially when she is in such a fragile state. I don't think she can even walk right now. We need to take this slow and carefully. We have no idea how this has affected her. Once I get the pain under control, I can start to address any other damage."

"This is all my fault," I sighed. 

"You can't blame this all on yourself Joe," Magnus said sympathetically. 

"If I had just kept my mouth shut, she wouldn't have even came to New York."  

"You can't blame yourself for the actions of others. What's to say that Valentine wouldn't have tracked her down to Edinburgh anyway?" Magnus said quietly. "There are always risks to everything in life. We can't keeping living regretting what ifs and if I had justs. There is no way to know that would have happened if you hadn't said what ever you said or she hadn't decided to come here, those are things that have already happened. We have to focus on the now and the future." He squeezed my hand comforting me the best her could. "You two will pull through this. You have been through so many difficult things together, you are strong and so is she. You love her and even without her memories she knows that. There is a reason she only managed to see yours and jace's faces as familiar, she knows that she loves the two of you even if her mind can't work out who you are exactly."  I nodded, ran a hand through my hair, "Are you still planning on leaving? Now she's awake?" He asked suddenly. We hadn't spoken about my plans to leave since I brought it up but I supposed it had to be discussed. 

"I think even more so now, I have to go," I admitted. 

"What do you mean?" Magnus asked confused. 

"This is Liza's home. This is everything she ever wanted, a stable life at an institute that challenges her and wants her. Her family is here, you are here. I know that this is where she's always meant to be but I don't fit it in here. Jace doesn't like me, I don't enjoy the big city life as much as Liza always has and to be perfectly honest, I rather dislike America." I explained. "The Edinburgh institute, it's the closet to home I've ever felt."