Whilst you were gone.. ('The Irish Girl' Sequel) (DG fanfic)

Chapter 12: Close your eyes

"Are you sure you know what your doing blue eyes?" Ryan asked as I got on my bike and I laughed "I promise Ryan, you'll love it! Now stop being a wuss and get on!" And he laughed as he got on the back, he wrapped his arms around me like a snake. He held on tight, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I kicked my foot off the ground and moved forward, Ryan's grip got a little tighter as I sped up. "Chloe, don't go too fast" Ryan said a little scared and I sighed "Ryan, just close your eyes it will all be fine. I'm here, I won't hurt you I promise, trust me" and he seemed to ease up and he laughed excitedly, "This is so cool, I feel so free!" And I sped up a little and I can hear Ryan cheer as he let go of me. "Wooo!" I shouted and joined in with him.
The speed was accelerating and with Ryan on the back it made me feel more free than I ever have on my bike, I felt Ryan kiss my shoulder as I pulled over near a field. The sun was setting and we sat on the grass, his hand was in mine. "This is amazing Chloe, I've never had so much fun. Thank you" Ryan said and I joked "Well, life is like an album, all you have to do is turn it up" I watched the sun go down and Ryan looked at me the whole time, he smiled a lot. And I blushed, "I won't say it again Ryan, pictures last longer".
"You know what Chloe, I like you a lot better when your not making jokes" I gasped and tapped his arm "Excuse me?! I'm at my best when I'm making jokes thank you!, don't pretend you don't find them funny and my  sarcasm is a defence mechanism" I said laughing and Ryan chuckled "I'll admit, they make my day" I smiled at him and he lent in to kiss me, this time I didn't hesitate. I just went in for it, it was sweet and a perfect way to end our night. "Well, that's one hell of a thank you" I breathed and he laughed.
We got back on my bike and made it home before curfew, "Well, I don't know about you but I'm tired, I'm getting a shower then I'm off to bed" I said yawning and Ryan stayed downstairs, "Night blue eyes" He called as I went upstairs. "Night Ryan" I replied.
I grabbed a towel and turned the water on, I let it warm up as I got out of my clothes. I knew I was forgetting something as I lathered the shampoo in my hair, god almighty. I forgot to take my meds, no wonder I felt groggy. I can't be hallucinating again, my chest couldn't take another blow especially when it's settled down.
After my shower I changed into a black vest and red tartan bottoms. I brushed through my wet hair and went downstairs to get my meds, "Mike, I almost forgot to take my medication are they in the drawer?" I asked before I went in the kitchen, Mike was supposed to pick them up for me whilst I was at the bar setting up.
He smiled "Yeah, I made sure I picked them up Chloe. Don't panic" he assured me and I laughed "Thanks, Mike" I went into the kitchen and took my medication, including my iron tablets as I wasn't sure if I ate enough of it  today.
I left the vitamins for the morning. After I was done I let the pills take over and make me sleep, tonight was the first time I didn't wake up screaming from a nightmare or struggled to get sleep. I was content, maybe Ryan was the reason. It didn't squash my suspicions but it made me think, maybe I could see past it.
I've been able to see the good in him so far, despite him proving me wrong.
But nobody's perfect, I'm no saint myself. But tonight was probably the first time I can honestly say I'm fine and mean it. I don't have to lie, I'm definitely okay. I'm not healed that's for sure but I'm beginning to slowly heal, maybe faster than expected. I hope this feeling lasts, I'm afraid I'll go back to being a shell and snapping at little things. Mike was watching me closely, waiting for the return of the emotional mess.
But I'm strong enough to not let that happen again, I'm Chloe Stone. And I've always been strong I survived seventeen years and I almost died, but Liam leaving shown a side to me I didn't know was there. I guess loosing your soulmate makes you feel like you've been sawn in half, I kiss Ryan and I feel good but there's this little voice in my head. "Your a bad person, Liam will never forgive you" but I know it's not true. It doesn't stop me from picturing his face, I hated it when he was upset. As much as he'd hide it I'd see it in his eyes, I'll never forgive myself. That's why I can never be with Ryan, it hurts but it's what I know is right. My head tells me to go for it but my heart screams Liam's name, it's always been Liam.
If only he'd come back and make it all better, but that's not happening any time soon. I've tried to forget all the pain, I've tried to push him from my mind but it's no good.
I hate myself for making Ryan think we could be something, maybe I should move out. moving away would make it easier. But can I leave when I'm beginning to fall for Ryan?.