I Am My Own (Reader x Thranduil)

Chapter 32

At least a month had passed since my encounter with Valori and for some reason I couldn't shake the conversation from my head. Her words seemed to echo through my mind in every hour of the day.

I loved him, and still do.

It made simple tasks beyond difficult to complete. Forming clear thoughts seemed hopeless and I felt utterly rude when holding conversations with others were broken in between words. Concentration had proved to be impossible for me to achieve.

Some days were worse than others and today seemed to look as if it were one of the bad days. We were outside today, at Queen Daealla's request, to enjoy the last of the summer weather with a cup of tea. Daealla, of course, seemed to noticed my distant mood.

"(Y/N), you've hardly touched your honey biscuits," she said finally looking up from her book and laying it aside on the garden table, "Is there something on your mind? If you're worried about Thranduil, I assure you my dear, there's nothing to be worried about. He'll be home sooner than you know it."

I lightly tapped my fingers along the cover of my book which I hadn't picked up since sitting down. I received a letter from Thranduil yesterday morning that described the many setbacks of the council meetings. It seems that finding middle ground amongst everyone was going to be harder to obtain than what was predicted. It would be a long while before I see my husband again and though it bothered me something fierce, it wasn't the source of my of my detached mood.

"No, it's not that," I said and shook my head, "It's just..."

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to recount my conversation with Valori to her. I wanted to ask her what she would do and how I should handle the situation. But for some reason, I felt as if this situation was something I should handle on my own. Daealla didn't need to worry over my most recent drama, not when she was running the kingdom on her own.

"It's just what?," she asked and leaned forward.

"It's just...," I sighed, "It's just I'm nervous about the baby."

Daealla formed a smile and relaxed in her chair. It seemed as if she had bought my lie.

"There's nothing to worry about, dear. The best healers around will be here to assure that everything runs according to plan."

I ran a hand along my abdomen and let it rest there. With my help, the healers estimated that the baby was around three months old and my stomach had formed a bit of a pooch, although no one outside of the palace seemed to suspect anything yet. The announcement of the pregnancy was planned to be given once Thranduil got back but I feared by the time he returned, my stomach would already have given away the surprise.

Daealla had spoken to me briefly about the precautions we would take if such an instance like that were to happen. I was informed that if the baby grew large enough for people to notice just by looking at me, then I would simply spend all of my time in the palace until Thranduil returned. I felt as if that would be the case and I wasn't looking forward to it.

"But I do miss Thranduil something fierce," I said trying to divert the conversation. I smiled, thinking of his beautiful face.

Daealla grinned at me.

"I do too."

****

"Have you given any thought as to what you might name the baby," Saevel asked while pinning my hair into place.

I looked up into the mirror at her. Her hands steady on my head, her eyes drooping from loss of sleep yet still completely focused, and her mouth curved into a slight smile on her face.